Ugh i feel like I’ve posted about this a lot but I’m just so confused rn. This was my ocd experience at first: - intrusive thoughts - anxious a lot - crying every night - seeked reassurance a lot and was able to be reassured that I wasn’t what I feared but this didn’t last too long - knew that I wasn’t what I feared but my brain would still tell me that I was And this is my experience now: - depressed - numb/feeling “off” - guilt and shame - feel like I’m faking everything - not feeling like myself - feeling detached from everything and reality - not knowing what’s true anymore - reassurance doesn’t work anymore - feeling like I am what I fear I don’t know what’s happening but why do I feel like ocd became reality😞 I hope I get out of this

Just keep at it! You are doing good work. You will get there

@BritD Thanks idk if this will ever be true though because I will never know the answer and i find it almost impossible to accept uncertainty with this theme like the others. I also have past guilt and shame tied to it so it makes this stick even more :(

@Breezy624 I assume part of your therapy will be working through that past shame in guilt. I’m just starting erp but I do think you can get there. It may take awhile but you can do it

@BritD I have already completed the program over a month ago and unfortunately for the past stuff its the same that i am supposed to accept and move on. ERP did not help me much as my anxiety levels were only very high with my thoughts the first time i was triggered. I dont feel much anxiety towards them at this point and never actually avoided any triggers to begin with. My compulsions are purely rumination and reassurance seeking at times. It is more of just depression at this point in regards to having intrusive thoughts. I hope it helps you though and good luck!

No :(

@random_person You can start seeing an ERP therapist and not disclose your intrusive thoughts to them until you trust them! You can for example ask them how they deal with clients who have taboo OCD themes. Taking that first step can be really tough, but it’s so worth it! You can do difficult things and you can get better.

I just have a lot of worries about getting help because I have pocd so I don’t where I can get help for that and I’m scared they’ll just tell me that I’m a pedo and also I have strong doubts that ERP won’t work I feel like I’m desensitized to all my triggers now

@random_person You need to take the ste to start erp. You are just spinning your wheels right now. Start therapy. Sit with the uncertainty that maybe the therapist will say you are a pedo and erp will be of no help for you. Also sit with the fact that you likely aren’t a pedo and that erp WILL work for you. Just please contact a therapist ASAP because you are really stuck and you won’t get anywhere doing what you are currently doing

How long have you been feeling like this? For me it’s been 2 weeks :((

@random_person How long were you dealing with the first round of feelings? That first set you listed?

@BritD About 3 weeks to a month, and then I saw a lot of triggering things one day and started to feel like the second set of symptoms for 2 weeks now

@BritD Why do you ask?

@random_person Months now unfortunately. Its left me very confused

@random_person Because I think you are just cycling. This happens. I seem to get stuck for months at a time and then it will change. I wasn’t getting proper treatment (was doing talk therapy) and I’ve been struggling for years. PLEASE, PLEASE don’t do that to yourself. Proper help is out there. Ocd therapists have worked with people with pocd. We like to think our ocd is so different or unique or so horrible but the reality is that it’s not. Many people have the same types of themes and thoughts as you. No matter how taboo

@BritD Ok Thankyou, do you know how long this part of the cycle lasts? Like the depression, numbness, etc. It’s almost as if I want to go back to the anxiety because anything’s better than this

@random_person It varies from person to person. I think we have a tendency to feel that whatever we’re feeling right now is the worst thing we’ve ever felt, or that our current theme is the worst theme ever. Practice sitting with the feelings and being gentle with yourself. You can get through this, it won’t go away over night, and you deserve to feel better.

@random_person I sure wish there was a solid answer. It’s so different for each person. I’m not sure how old you are but I’m assuming you are young. You have your whole life ahead of your. Don’t let ocd take away your happiness for years/decades like of has for me. I’m in my mid 30’s and just now finding out about erp and getting proper help. Please don’t do that. You deserve so much more.