- Date posted
- 4y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
This is me now after doing erp through here for over three months :/. The only theme left that I struggle with is pocd :( Almost every day i try not to ruminate but end up doing it off and on and constantly questioning if i am a p why or why not. I just feel depressed and my mind races. I just want to have normal thoughts again thats all i want. What i wouldnt give to go back to before march.
- Date posted
- 4y
Just keep at it! You are doing good work. You will get there
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@BritD Thanks idk if this will ever be true though because I will never know the answer and i find it almost impossible to accept uncertainty with this theme like the others. I also have past guilt and shame tied to it so it makes this stick even more :(
- Date posted
- 4y
@Breezy624 I assume part of your therapy will be working through that past shame in guilt. I’m just starting erp but I do think you can get there. It may take awhile but you can do it
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@BritD I have already completed the program over a month ago and unfortunately for the past stuff its the same that i am supposed to accept and move on. ERP did not help me much as my anxiety levels were only very high with my thoughts the first time i was triggered. I dont feel much anxiety towards them at this point and never actually avoided any triggers to begin with. My compulsions are purely rumination and reassurance seeking at times. It is more of just depression at this point in regards to having intrusive thoughts. I hope it helps you though and good luck!
- Date posted
- 4y
Is this a part of ocd? :(
- Date posted
- 4y
OCD tends to shapeshift, which is one of the reasons it can be so difficult to deal with! Are you doing ERP with a specialist?
- Date posted
- 4y
No :(
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person You can start seeing an ERP therapist and not disclose your intrusive thoughts to them until you trust them! You can for example ask them how they deal with clients who have taboo OCD themes. Taking that first step can be really tough, but it’s so worth it! You can do difficult things and you can get better.
- Date posted
- 4y
Idk but I feel like I've been there too
- Date posted
- 4y
Counseling, sertraline (SSRI medication) and hydroxyzine (antihistamine medication) has really started to help my daughter. Don’t go at it alone, you need to speak with someone and get help. I’ve learned over the past few months how powerful OCD is and the longer it goes untreated the worse it seems to get.
- Date posted
- 4y
I just have a lot of worries about getting help because I have pocd so I don’t where I can get help for that and I’m scared they’ll just tell me that I’m a pedo and also I have strong doubts that ERP won’t work I feel like I’m desensitized to all my triggers now
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person You need to take the ste to start erp. You are just spinning your wheels right now. Start therapy. Sit with the uncertainty that maybe the therapist will say you are a pedo and erp will be of no help for you. Also sit with the fact that you likely aren’t a pedo and that erp WILL work for you. Just please contact a therapist ASAP because you are really stuck and you won’t get anywhere doing what you are currently doing
- Date posted
- 4y
Do some research, you can even get help online. A true OCD specialist will understand you and your intrusive thoughts. And worrying that ERP won’t work, won’t get you anywhere. Try it before discredit it.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thats exactly how I feel, with more experience in this where Ive completely convinved myself
- Date posted
- 4y
How long have you been feeling like this? For me it’s been 2 weeks :((
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person How long were you dealing with the first round of feelings? That first set you listed?
- Date posted
- 4y
@BritD About 3 weeks to a month, and then I saw a lot of triggering things one day and started to feel like the second set of symptoms for 2 weeks now
- Date posted
- 4y
@BritD Why do you ask?
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person Months now unfortunately. Its left me very confused
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person Because I think you are just cycling. This happens. I seem to get stuck for months at a time and then it will change. I wasn’t getting proper treatment (was doing talk therapy) and I’ve been struggling for years. PLEASE, PLEASE don’t do that to yourself. Proper help is out there. Ocd therapists have worked with people with pocd. We like to think our ocd is so different or unique or so horrible but the reality is that it’s not. Many people have the same types of themes and thoughts as you. No matter how taboo
- Date posted
- 4y
@BritD Ok Thankyou, do you know how long this part of the cycle lasts? Like the depression, numbness, etc. It’s almost as if I want to go back to the anxiety because anything’s better than this
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person It varies from person to person. I think we have a tendency to feel that whatever we’re feeling right now is the worst thing we’ve ever felt, or that our current theme is the worst theme ever. Practice sitting with the feelings and being gentle with yourself. You can get through this, it won’t go away over night, and you deserve to feel better.
- Date posted
- 4y
@random_person I sure wish there was a solid answer. It’s so different for each person. I’m not sure how old you are but I’m assuming you are young. You have your whole life ahead of your. Don’t let ocd take away your happiness for years/decades like of has for me. I’m in my mid 30’s and just now finding out about erp and getting proper help. Please don’t do that. You deserve so much more.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
So, I don't know if anyone's going to comment on this post, but I've been doing pretty badly lately. I suffered from a second relapse of OCD around nearly a year ago, back when I first experienced OCD, I had all the symptoms, researching, crying none-stop, suicidal, etc, but now that it's been almost four years of this same theme. It doesn't feel nearly as bad anymore? It's almost like it brings me happiness??? I see people saying with confidence that they'd never do their intrusive thoughts but I can't agree with them, I'm not confident I won't do them, a few years ago, I'd say I'd NEVER do them and I would rather kill myself before doing them but now I can't say it. I don't know what's going on anymore and what makes it worse I think is that my feelings are all over the place, a part of me wants to give up while the other part of me is still fighting and I'm crying right now as I write this but I don't even know if I'm scared. Sometimes I just let myself "enjoy" the intrusive thoughts because I'm so tired and everytime I look at a reddit post about someone saying that they felt guilty for enjoying an intrusive thought, I don't feel that same emotion, and I keep researching and researching. It doesn't feel like OCD anymore. I can't even say I'm scares for the right reasons, my brain keeps telling me that I'm only scared because I don't want others to look down on me and the truth is that I actually "enjoy" the thoughts and I simply don't want to be looked down upon on society. I don't know what to do, I want to go in the bathroom and cry until I disappear
- Date posted
- 18w
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
- Date posted
- 16w
I sometimes see posts on here of people saying their OCD fears becoming true and it’s so so triggering for me. It makes me question if I ever had OCD and if I’m just faking it. I’ve tried to accept that my fear was real. Okay? Before I knew this was OCD, I really TRIED to accept it as a part of myself because I figured if I was even having those thoughts, it must be true. But in reality it just made me feel worse in the end. It wasn’t until several hours/few days after accepting the thoughts as true did I realize they were not and how uncomfortable it made me identifying with them that way, so eventually I went back into the rumination cycle. And I’ve done this multiple times. No matter how much I’ve accepted it as real, I never come to a conclusion in the end and I just get 10x more miserable. And I am still so scared of my fear coming true as those peoples did. But I know that’s what we all fear, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. And with a new fear I just developed, (all in the realm of the same theme) I’ve also tried to accept it as real when I felt SUPER convinced and even though it felt excruciatingly real, there was a part of me that couldn’t fully believe it, because I just know viscerally that it’s not. But the feeling of it being real is just too powerful and it overmastered any ounce of insight I had left. It wasn’t until my OCD spike calmed down when I was able to see through the viel. I hate this. I have no desire to do anything that my thoughts tell me. I know what I want to be, want to do, and it’s the opposite of those OCD thoughts. But these triggering posts won’t leave. (Not really the publishers fault, it’s my ritual that I engage in). They make me come all back to square one (if I wasn’t there already) and question if I’m using this as an excuse. I don’t want to do what my OCD tells me to do, but my brain just spits, “you’re just convincing yourself you don’t want this!” as it so often now does. I’m so tired. Please give me my old self back. Please give me 100% certainty that none of this is real and my fears are not at all based in reality. My brain cannot accept uncertainty and will not leave me alone. My brain is raged and powerless without knowing why, and spiels that anger back on me to get a reaction, and when it gets what it wants, the cycle continues. And goes way longer than I had bargained for :(
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