TW: OCD setbacks/relapses I’ve had OCD my whole life, but I wasn’t diagnosed until my 20s. Now I’m in my 30s and getting serious about ERP again. I’m in that stage of treatment where it feels like OCD is getting worse, and I’m finding myself seeing the past through rose-colored glasses. Wishing I could go back to a time when my OCD theme was something I’m not distressed by now, or to a time when my symptoms weren’t as severe so I wasn’t focused on the disorder. Worrying that my best days are behind me and that I’ll only get worse from here. I want to forgive myself because deep down I know OCD isn’t my fault. Tips on coping with feelings of defeat during relapse?

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

I'm new to NOCD, but not new to my own OCD journey. I was diagnosed in 2017 and usually experience relationship obsessions. Medication helped me tremendously and I was able to tackle and overcome the anxiety I felt when my husband and I first got together. Fast forward to now. My best friend has decided to casually enter the dating world again and that terrifies me. The fact that it scared me triggered an HOCD spiral, that I think I've now gotten myself out of. I just feel pathetic for being so fearful that my friend is going to realize she's too good for me and leave me behind once she has a partner. I know this likely stems from my own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, but my OCD has latched itself to this fear and I've been catching myself falling into old habits that I thought I'd overcome. I don't want to be living under the cloud again. Just looking for some encouragement or someone else who understands what this feels like.

Hi all. Unfortunately I have relapsed with what I believe is POCD/ REOCD again. Im 33 going on 34 (m) and from the ages of around 23 to 26/27 had terrible OCD / shame and guilt from a mistake made in early teenage years ( Im going to say 11/12 ). It was truly the greatest struggle to make it through those years. From ages 27/28 to ~ 6 weeks ago my OCD was I would say 99% under control with the help of 150mg sertraline which was fantastic and allowed me to live as normally as I could have hoped for. A real event from almost 10 years ago randomly popped up in my mind , and the past 6 weeks have been truly awful with very little headspace for rational thought and certainly no good mood. A few panic attacks thrown in and an inability to hold my job down makes this seem like an impossible challenge to overcome. My mind is telling me its only a matter of time before police show to my door and Ill be socially berated. Ive become a bit paranoid and really do not feel worthy/ able for living a happy life going forward. Previously, on the earlier theme I had confessed to a parent not knowing it would be damaging in the long run and to be honest I dont know what helped to recover. Maybe I could have recovered sooner had I known it was definently OCD I was dealing with and effective treatment options. In the end I think I adopted a " so what" and "it is what it is" attitude after so much internal anguish which helped. With this theme, once again my mind tells me its not OCD and I am just feeling huge amounts of guilt for past actions which may never leave me. I do feel Im looking at this event in a very black and white manner however my mind wont allow anything else. Ive had days where I could function while being able to tell myself " if the worst case scenario happens, it happens " but Ive also had days where my mind tells me I wont survive another week of this guilt, let alone deal with the real life cosequences. I have no experience of ERP but I do intend to look into it. What makes me think it may be worthwhile is that last week while at work I came across an event on social media where someone went to jail for something "similar" ( my mind tells me my actions were worse ) and I just sat with the fear and anxiety which was awful in the moment - however I got some moments of positivy and become almost "carefree" that evening as the bad feelings came and went without giving in to compulsions ( main ones are googling and mental review/ re reading texts ) Of course they came back a day later . I guess Im just showing my face here so to speak, and letting you all know that there are others in the same fight, and that youre not alone. I appreciate all input. J Ps if anyone has had previous success on increasing sertraline from 150mg upward please let me know. I do feel I need a higher dose/ something more effective for this episode as I am not getting much relief from my thoughts. I have heard from some sertraline is more useful at higher doses ( 300/400 mg ) for OCD??? Any thoughts? Thank you