I dont even know whats real or not anymore

it feels like the fear i once knew it wasnt real now it is, it feels like i dont like him anymore and that i have changed. i am numb.

This situation just happened and I can definitely remember how it went but my brain is telling me otherwise and I know you guys said to sit with the uncertainty but what if the intrusive thought is so bad like disgusting, I can’t sit with that. Maybe it’s false memory but this just happened. I don’t even know how to live with this

Is ocd supposed to feel like a genuine belief ? I see or hear some people saying things like « I know it’s not true but …. » while I personally don’t « know that it’s not true » I feels genuinely real and I even find evidence for it