I can't allow myself to do the recovery work because I believe my real events are as bad as I see them - horrible, unforgivable and deserving of law punishment, death or suffering. Please help me.

The thing is, you’re already suffering because of the OCD. life is already horrible because of this disorder, so if you are gonna feel bad anyway, why not feel bad while participating in recovery work? And then slowly, you’ll see you’re getting better and not feeling as bad anymore. Ocd is a liar. It lies to you. If you feel bad for whatever your theme is, it shows you’re not a bad person. You just have ocd. Please try to fight it. I understand it’s the hardest thing in the world but you aren’t here to live a horrible life. You are worthy of mental peace and happiness too. You are NOT a bad person. Please try. If you try just a little harder today to recover, you will make tomorrow easier to live in for yourself.