Yesterday during.my session, my counselor and I set up my hierarchy for ERP. I officially start ERP tomorrow. I am scared shirtless. I'm afraid of the exposures themselves, but I'm also afraid I won't be able to do them. I'm not looking for reassurance. Just encouragement and support.

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

Everytime I do exposure therapy and even if it ends up good I get more nervous for the next time. How do I get past this I really need some help please. Now I am scared to even move the car after I drove on the main road 2 days ago.

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I have therapy today and I’m nervous. I just started going to therapy and I really like my therapist. She talked to me about doing ERP and I’m really nervous about it. I’m scared to tell her the extent of my OCD, and my themes. I’m scared to tell her about my false memory OCD, because I’m scared that what I did was real and I’m just excusing it as false memory, although I have no memory of it. I’m scared that I am truly a monster and I’m using OCD as an excuse—and that she’ll find out and distance herself. I’m just scared that my whole world is gonna fall apart, all around me.