I realized something tonight while doing an erp exercise that I wanted to share in case anyone else resonates with it. This might be geared more towards pure ocd but as I was doing my may/may not statements for my erp exercise I started thinking about what is really causing the spike in discomfort. I think for a lot of people, including me, the fear of the statement being true is definitely a huge contributor. However, I began to realize that my guilt for PURPOSEFULLY thinking and saying the thoughts to turn them into may/may not statements produced an equivalent amount of discomfort. I suppose my thought process is that if it is an intrusive thought in the moment, then that is bad and I worry that it might mean it’s true. However, purposely thinking about this bad thing really seems to be a trigger in itself. I already feel like a terrible person when I get an intrusive thought but when I purposely bring the thought back for erp I become full of doubt that it could possibly be the right thing to do. This is especially true for me when the statement is very specific and about a person I know and/or care about. This causes me to get stuck on thoughts such as “how can it possibly be ok to think something so horrible about someone?” and “why would I want to habituate myself to something so horrifying ?”. I suppose I put this up here because I believe (this is just my opinion) that it’s important to understand your personal erp process in order to improve upon it and because (again in my opinion) gaining as much knowledge about your ocd treatment (what is working and what isn’t) is a huge step towards success. Finally, sometimes sharing this kind of information might spark a conversation and even a possible solution to the problem. 🙂🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/

Sometimes I notice my intrusive thoughts cause me to spiral and sometimes not. I've been practicing ERP for quite a while so it's a bit easier for me to not spiral. But I wonder why that happens. Does anyone else have it? Also I'm on medication idk if that plays a role.

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍