Hi, I know this is a silly question, but I kept addressing god in my mind, is he still waiting for me to talk?

I always want to get close to God and my ocd is always related to me thinking I'm going crazy however my ocd also sticks to religion it kinda pulls me away because I'm scared that I'll go crazy if I focus too much on one thing or do too much of one thing..so I went to the dentist and I was waiting on my boyfriend when this man that was speaking about God came and he was speaking to me and he kept saying I should give my life to God and I told him I want to do it on my timing and he kept saying no and after a while he showed me something in the daily bread and he turned to another women that was a the desk of the dentist and say something along the lines of me being a dead little girl if I dnt follow the word of God or something similar 😔now this makes me scared and it puts a lot of pressure on me because now idk what to do anymore, and I'm lowkey trying to change and get closer to God in some way

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp

Have any of you ever felt like God is perfectly capable of helping you with your mental health, but just chooses not to for some reason, and so you get angry and frustrated? Bc I feel that way sometimes, but i don’t stay mad for too long. But whenever i’m not frustrated, i’m just feeling hopeless, like why is this going on?