Recently my Harm OCD gets worse. Reading online can sometimes get me confused. My obsession mainly focuses on whether I will commit suicide. It’s not that I really want to do it. The word “suicide” can make me extremely anxious and terrified. Then, I start to obsess whether I will do it. I start to check and analyze my thoughts because I am afraid it would happen. (Deep in my heart, I just want to be normal and live a happy life.) But, i don’t know and what if? I can’t get the mental images out of my head, and it makes me feel so powerless. Can anyone help?

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

Hi guys i hope someone will help me with this one. I have fears around suicide/mental health/ depression. From the moment i wake up to a moment iam going to sleep i have these crazy thoughts in my head: what if i will be so sad that i will commit? what if my life has no meaning so i will commit? Also i have this mixed with existential/depressed thoughts like: life has no meaning, why iam doing this it has no meaning. So i cant enjoy litterally anything anymore. I have great day and my mind always trying ti convice me that iam suicidal and nothing is going to be the same. My mind has own patterns and i feel like i cant break it down and i know iam not like this. Also words like: mental health, suicide, mentall illness, sadness trigger me so much. Can someone help me? also i have googling compulsion, i spend 24/7 on this app, watching youtube content.

Hello everybody I just am looking for someone to talk to about my harm ocd / false memory/ sexual intrusiveness. Anyone who has healed or found ways to deal with the illness. Feels like I’m losing hope more and more everyday. I want to be okay but it’s hard living with uncertainty and unwanted urges of doing something terrible. Thanks god bless.