Can you have obsessional thinking towards delusions? Like you obsess over delusional type thoughts and research into them. Or you experience an intrusive thought about it but the thought itself doesn't scare you but rather you obsess over why you're experiencing it?
Idk if other ppl experience this but I know I do. I fall into the trap of trying to figure out why I have intrusive thoughts about one thing but not another and if that means I secretly condone it