i just drank Ashwagandha infused water and i feel so calm now i am scared it feels good though

I was practicing mindfulness for a little bit and then I just started to relax and just kind of take in just the sensations and sounds around me and I just felt good. I almost wanted to cry.

im getting so annoyed i cant stop thinking about time and death and everything how do i stay present and cope literally almost everything is triggering me its been weeks it feels like everything is moving so slow yet so fast and i can feel every second and i keep getting random memories of things i usually wouldn’t even remember they aren’t bad but its just another reminder of time passing and the only thing that helped just enough is xanax but i cant keep taking it every day cause i dont wanna get addicted i need like natures xanax or something how do i produce the same effect a xan gives without taking one for the love of god bro as soon as i think its getting better i start spiraling an hour later and wont be able to stop and its making me feel like i need to go to a psych hospital or something but then i feel like what if im not bad enough to go to one

I woke up feel so anxious right now again, how to help that feeling?