Going through the same right now, I feel you. Just did a pretty major exposure for harm ocd and am feeling like things are real and it’s so distressing. I’m trying not to compulse in any way though
had two days of clarity and im back to the uncertainty. this post made me realize something though. why would i trust the thoughts im having when im panicking more than the thoughts i have when im calm? just some food for thought.
I know I think about that all the time! When I’m panicking I think to myself “but what about when you had clarity? What made you feel the clarity?” But that somehow doesn’t help. It’s terrible.
@lh2000 i feel ya. i woke up having a panic attack this morning that wasn’t even prefaced by a thought. the thoughts came after to make it worse. it’s hard but just take it one day at a time, thats all we can do 💌
@CM26 Yeah. I usually achieve clarity by the time I’m going to sleep but then it all comes back as soon as I wake up. It’s like so much lost progress.
@CM26 What made me feel better was thinking about how I was already anxious when waking up and so that anxiety is just attaching itself to anything (usually my current OCD theme). So it made me think I’m not actually relapsing or something. ALSO! It obviously still sucks going back and fourth with the clarity (currently in that stage too) but it also made me feel like I’m starting to recover. Because like 2-3 months ago it felt like I was in hell you know? So I’m hoping this is actually a good thing that we’re going through rn :)
It’s important not to seek that “clarity” or reassurance. It makes the problem worse actually, not better. You might think you had a revelation and that you’ve proved to yourself that your fears are irrational, but the cycle will continue over and over again because reassurance is a compulsion. You need to accept the reality that you will never have 100% certainty that your fears aren’t true. Don’t try and reason with yourself and prove the thoughts wrong. Instead, work on living with the doubt and exposing yourself to the fear of the unknown.
I really would like to be able to sit with the uncertainty, but I just can’t. It’s terrifying. I just want to know for sure.
@lh2000 It’s a difficult process, but necessary for overcoming OCD. I had to learn to accept the fact that I could never know 100% that I wasn’t attracted to animals (zoophilic ocd) and that doubt was devastating because I love animals so much. But ocd will continue to rule your life with doubt, guilt, and fear if you don’t accept not knowing.
@lh2000 I wish you the best of luck :)❤️
I keep thinking I have thought of proof in my head of my existential thoughts- and it’s terrifying