One intrusive thought ruined my whole mind forever

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

does anyone else constantly suffer from intrusive thoughts? it makes my head ache & i can barely think straight.

Is there something wrong with me if I’m not disgusted by my intrusive thoughts anymore like the disgust feeling has been gone for months now and why are my thoughts feel like they’re literally so close happening inside my brain why can I lowkey physically feel the images of that makes sense,Why do I get adrenaline why do I get a weird tingle my lips sometimes make an awkward like position when I get the thoughts it’s like I’m having a glitch idek which thought is intentional which one is intrusive but there bad thoughts and I don’t want them to be the truth about me but I literally cannot get myself to just feel relaxed even if they’re present like I actually get genuine headaches and feel uneasy for hours after having intrusive thoughts and I hate how it’s always the same kinda thoughts and sensations feelings etc around those thoughts out of nowhere when I’m just chilling they come in before when I had it is be like okay ew weird thought now I’m like what if I actually like this and I’m in denial uGHHH HATE MY BRAIN