I've been struggling with what I found through a NOCD article, is termed "Race OCD". I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally of BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to a BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or if other people struggle with this OCD theme. To be honest, it's pretty severe and it's attacking my core, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value (being an ally, fighting to be anti-racist & dismantle racism) & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because im sure it makes the other person uncomfortable. I know I'm coming off as anxious to other people. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, to get the interaction "right", that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like wtf, this person is a racist. I don't know how to stop getting so lost in my head. I've tried to tell myself "Maybe I am a sick, racist human being, oh well", but that doesn't help because I don't agree with that statement. I hate that interacting with BIPOC has become a trigger for me & that my anxiety is probably making people uncomfortable & they see me as a racist. I feel awful.

Stopping rumination is hard! Are you working with an ERP therapist? Mindfulness and ACT techniques might also help you with the social anxiety aspect of this theme. Instead of leaning in with “maybe I am a sick, racist human being,” you could try something more balanced, like “maybe they thought I was racist, maybe they didn’t. I can’t know for sure.” This won’t make the thoughts go away, and it won’t make you feel less distressed, but it can remind you to work on accepting the uncertainty and tolerating the distress. Your anxiety might be making others uncomfortable, or they might not notice it, or they might think “this person seems pretty anxious, I feel that way sometimes.” The hope is that over time your anxiety will go down, but you can’t control how you feel. What you CAN work on is accepting that you don’t know how you’re making others feel unless they tell you. The more you can accept that uncertainty, the less you’ll feel the need to focus on figuring it out, and the more you’ll be able to focus on having meaningful interactions with others. I hope that helps.

idk if this would help any but 🤔🤔 when it comes to prejudice, there honestly isn't a single person who /doesn't/ have at least one ignorant perspective that needs unlearning and a plethora of new enlightening perspectives to expose themselves to. allyship is a continual act and you will absolutely stumble and mess up along the way—but that's not a sign of being a bad person. being able to sit with the discomfort that we've all internalized some harmful mindsets in our lives and being able to take the time to listen to others' lived experiences + adjusting our views accordingly is part of the work. frankly there's no such thing as a "perfect ally" because there's always something new to learn. being mindful of how you conduct yourself is all fine and good, but if you're psyching yourself out from even the smallest interactions—you would only be doing yourself a disfavor yknow? stay strong friend, you got this!