- Username
- mummers
- Date posted
- 5y ago
hey:) i’m here for you. i know how hard it is. even with all the resources out there
I hear you. I’ve got great support, but I’m still waiting to improve too. I don’t have any mind-blowing advice, just know you’re not alone.
You got this, Muni ? Like I told you before, you seem really determined to get better and like the others said, you're doing everything to get there, so I'm sure you will!! Unfortunately it's a slow process :( what helped me once was to set a fixed date, like every beginning of a month, and lock back and see how I feel compared to the beginning of the month before. With such a big time span its sometimes easier to see the progress. Maybe there's not progress every time, but over time there will be! I'm so sorry you feel this way right now, I'm sending virtual hugs your way
You can do this ♡
Keep fighting muni ! You will get through this and you will have ur life back , just gotta keep at it. I was horrible at the beginning of the year but I finally found a med that works and my therapy kicks in now too. You will get there !
Every word you wrote could have been me this week. And the. suddenly it was like I came out of a black cloud and could gain some perspective. I suppose my point is there will be more good days if you hang on.
Oh wow. Still there some days. You do want to give up. A lot. But know you aren't alone in your feelings. Lots of us get it.
If I ever get over this, if I ever get better, that would be my dream come true: I’ve had serious ocd since I was 16 yo., anxiety since childhood. I wanna live life: I can’t imagine myself being healthy enough to be able to go out for lunch, to go to the movies, to go live with my boyfriend, to be calm in my day to day life. I know you can’t do anything to help me, but I really needed to talk to someone.
I can’t even begin to express my gratitude to you all. Thank you. This app is truly amazing, and has amazing people. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart
I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.
I use to say I hated my life because my situation was bad. Parents split, ended up dropping school, working two jobs, paying off debt always being broke. Not really having friends. Only constant was my boyfriend who was a safe space for me which he really isn’t now. No I’m dealing with these intrusive thoughts and other thinking every thought and attaching mean to everything. Wondering if I’ll become these things. I rather go back to those days when I thought my life actually sucked because right now it’s more than sucking. I wish I could go back to worrying about those minor inconveniences. I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up 10 times a night with anxiety. I wish I could sleep on till 12 in the afternoon on my days off. I wish I could wake up with a clear mind, with no intrusive thoughts and no anxiety. I feel so bad for my mom seeing me like this. She was crying last night because I was confused and I afraid as to how I got this bad. She looks at me like what happened to my daughter she was perfectly normal two months ago, she even said that :( I told her I wish I knew how this happened because I don’t like being like this. It’s crazy how just overnight I became this. I hate it and I wish someone could just take it away. I wish someone could just take all of our OCD and intrusive thoughts away. I’m sorry for posting so much negativity on this app. I just want to vent. Maybe I should start journaling instead of venting here.
I’ve been feeling extremely depressed because of my existential OCD. Even when i think of recovery and therapy, i feel like “what point is there in going back to how it was, or finding joy in things” there are moments when I do get happy and in those moments a thought pops up like “what even is anything” “what is existence” or “is death even real” and i’m also getting intrusive thoughts regarding my own consciousness which also gets very weird. All of this is accompanied by dissociation and apocalyptic feelings. It’s been 2 months since my ocd relapse. I have gotten better but when i acknowledge my progress, once again i feel like there’s no point. these thoughts/ feelings don’t feel like OCD but as if i’ve discovered some truth of life and now nothing will be the same. I haven’t started ERP yet, my therapist and i are currently more focused on ACT, acceptance and commitment (which is often given along side ERP) I will start ERP soon but i think all i’ll be focusing on is how dumb it is, and i know it’s not but it feels like i’m convinced it isn’t gonna work. I know this is classic OCD but it feels like this. I also deal with hyperawareness ocd (thinking about thinking taking place) and it makes me feel like there’s somebody in my head when, it’s quite literally my own inner voice that i’m sort of producing (?) I feel like it wouldn’t let me focus during erp and it all just feels so hopeless. I’m a minor and my parents are against medication and they talk about it like it’s the worst thing in the world which has heightened my fear of meds. I’m so sad and done with all this
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