Just Venting really: My anxiety is really low ?? but seems to have been replaced with a bleakness. I’m having one of those weeks where I am overwhelmed by the pointlessness of everything. In some strange ways it’s kind of freeing. Even my contamination fears seem to reduce because I’m past caring. I’m angry too. And I’ve cried every day for 6 days-I know I’m irritating people around me and I feel so guilty when my dog looks at me with happiness in his face and all I do is cry. When things are this bad I consider medication again but honestly I resent that I might need it because other people filled my head with crap. I’m angry about the past and I’ve upset my Mum by dragging it up. There’s some things I can’t seem to let go and she gives me this vibe like ‘get over it, people have it worse’ (they do, but I bet they’re fucked up too). I’m not working and money is running out but I hate every job I’ve ever had. I feel like an alien when I turn up to these offices and I hear people repeating the same shitty ‘jokes’ and repeating the same pointless tasks. The obvious answer is get a different type of job but nothing interests me enough or pays well.

Just look up on YouTube motiversity. There are dozens and dozens of videos with really inspirational people that can really make you think about your life. One you tube Tony Robins and start to listen to some of his stuff. I find it absolutely incredible and some of the people that turn their lives around by the messages that guys like this can deliver is truly incredible. A date with destiny on Netflix is something to watch , and there is a book out there called OCD anxiety panic attacks and related depression. I have it on my audio book . It’s 8 hours long and worth the listen. The fellow who wrote the book had one of the worst cases of OCD and be ever heard of and when you listen to the book it’s co written by the psychologist that helped him in his recovery so through the book you really can get a good understanding on how this disorder can be treated and some great tips on what to do. Also another great audio book is DARE ! One last thing that’s pretty cool. Google OCD stories a fellow named Stuart Ralph is the cofounder of OCD stories. You can sign up it does cost $11 per month but he does a different podcast with people from all over the US and Europe on a weekly basis and you can listen to these people’s OCD stories and how they got recovery. He also has a podcast with a lot of psychologist so it’s pretty cool to listen to what some of those people have to say as well. There are a lot of people that have blocked and written articles on his webpage and it’s a fantastic site to belong to. Chrissy Hodges from Denver Colorado is another good go to on YouTube just type in her name And she does a lot of personal advocacy on YouTube so she’s pretty good to listen to.

I also consider medication from time to time. I was on it over a year ago for nearly a year straight. In that time I experienced Insomnia and a feeling of being very neutral. In that year that my mind was medicated I was not overly happy and I was not overly sad somewhere right in the middle but the emotional side of me the caring side of me a lot of my good characteristics were somewhere covered deep below the medication and I was not able to feel the feelings that I oncehad. I often tell people that in that year that I was medicated something terrible could have happened to one of my family members and I don’t even know if I would’ve shed a tear. However that being said it is proven that medication can help. I think people who take medication also need to focus very much on recovery i.e.ERP CBT and work with the psychologist and truly dedicate their life to getting better. So many people while on medication don’t do the necessary recovery tactics that it takes to get better the reason for this is the medication does the work for them it produces a sense of relief and when people are relieved of their symptoms then they don’t have the motivation or the drive to do what it truly takes to get their lives back. I personally choose not to be medicated I think of it from time to time when times are tough but I also believe that with hard work and dedication exercise diet Reading writing and journaling. I listen to motivational videos on YouTube which really helps try it out. I too am bored with my job I’ve been in the oil and gas industry for over 20 years and it’s getting old. Challenge yourself to seek out something that you want to do. Something burns inside of everyone so chase that burn. You have a dream start working on it and don’t stop until you’re there. OCD is not a death sentence although many people think it is the trick to beating this bugger Is to face all of your fears head-on and take risks. I wish you the best of luck and I’m here to talk anytime

Keep in touch and let me know how it goes!!

Thank you Curtis! I tried medication a couple of years ago and you’re right it made me feel not much of anything and I think as humans we must be here to feel something-even if it is sometimes painful. I will check out those videos and keep looking for things that inspire me.

Thanks so much ? I will take a look at these when I need motivation and some hope that people do get better!