my ROCD constantly makes me think my boyfriend is up to no good when he is a very trustable and respectful guy. does anyone else go through the same thing. i have been putting the poor guy through a lot because of this...

Ah gotcha ok. Yeah my therapist always says “yes he may be cheating on you” ? do you do any exposures for this, though? I’m having a hell of a time with this crap mostly I think b/c I don’t feel “safe” in the relationship b/c my bf often doesn’t answer his phone (he works long hours, travels for work and we are in a LDR). He also gets really pissed when I blow up his phone and sometimes doesn’t answer on purpose. It feels like he’s antagonizing me but my therapist is like “good! You shouldn’t be blowing up his phone! Nothing you do will keep him from cheating or get you closer to KNOWING if he’s cheating”. But I keep thinking “yes but if I’m vigilant enough, I’ll catch him cheating then I can end it with him and get relief (sick, eh?)...!

I’m so sorry you are going through this. OCD will try and tell you everything is something. Mine will not let things go and take every single thing as evidence and try and piece it together to see if he’s doing something bad. It’s relentless. And it seems like every time I turn around there is a trigger.

Triggers can be everywhere. Especially if you are not trusting them. Even if they don’t give you solid evidence, there can be something that sets you off. Anything looks suspicious when you have OCD

Yes I’m exactly the same way as you both. Everything is evidence of cheating. Sucks and it’s an everyday battle, totally relentless. Triggers are random and make no sense whatsoever. Torturous.

That last sentence is exactly how I think ocd works. What if I find something, then I will know! But if it’s not there, you never will find anything, and there’s where the doubt lives. We have to learn to live with the doubt. For myself, I have to learn to live now. Enjoy my time with my spouse. If something is there, I won’t need to search for it, it will just come out. I have to trust God and trust my spouse.

Yup. Been doing it for years with my spouse

In fact. On the Bible app we have installed, some young teenager tried to friend him and it’s caused me tons of anxiety. He has no idea who she is. It shouldn’t be a thing but my OCD latches onto it and won’t let it go

Hey. idk if you guys are still available on this feed but I just read through your posts and I’ve never felt more related to in my entire life! I’ve been goin through the exact same thing as you both and it’s just such a relief to feel like i’m not the only one over here

Yes. it’s like an everyday thing. I have no idea what the trigger is... at first I thought it was pure jealousy but there is definitely more there

What therapy have you guys been doing (if any) to deal with this?

That didn’t make sense I realize. What I meant to say is I had an ocd moment last night. When I went to my therapist this morning, she did not want me to share what it was about(like I usually do). She didn’t want me to get reassurance. In the past, when I’ve had an issue I’ve told her in detail and we talk it through. Now she is trying a different approach. And it makes me anxious because I want her to tell me everything is okay and that there is nothing there

P-I totally get it. My parents know about his too and they tell me I shouldn’t be going through any of his stuff! And if you’re looking for something you will always “find something” The fear is always “what if”. It’s so difficult. I wish I had an answer for you. We have three young children and I don’t want them to think poorly of me in this. I want to fully trust him. He’s not perfect but he’s never done anything to make me feel like this. It is hell for sure. Are you on any medication?

i feel like an awful person for it but i keep doing it all the time as well

Not following you Ashley.

What happened ?

I wanted to explain where my thoughts were going and how I’m got to the point of anxiety and what if it all means something. She said she purposefully didn’t allow me to tell her so that I wouldn’t seek reassurance.

I don’t go thru his things but I used to spend hrs going thru my ex’s emails and texts in the middle of the night while he was sleeping ? then I’d wake up in the morning and be like “so what was this email to this girl from five years ago when we didn’t even know each other?!” With my current bf I almost avoid his stuff but his phone is what tortured me the most, watching him use it and not knowing what he’s doing on it or thinking he’s doing online dating while we are apart or whatever. Since he travels for work on his days off when he’s in some random town it’s the worst. He hates being on the phone so he just goes on with his life and we talk everyday but I want to just KEEP him on the phone or get a hold of him and he often doesn’t pick up and my brain goes WILD. For meds I’m taking namenda - works on glutamate. I tried a lot of SSRIs but couldn’t deal with side effects. I’m hoping to get into the ketamine trial at Stanford. I’ll find out in a few weeks. I hear it’s promising.

I hear you - but it’s like I don’t know how to reconcile trust and doubt! Those things don’t seem to want to co-exist!

No they do not. It’s long suffering. Hopefully we can use this for good somehow

I don’t know ? I’ve been so anxious the last week and my bf and I have been fighting so much. I feel very alone.