- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Ah gotcha ok. Yeah my therapist always says “yes he may be cheating on you” ? do you do any exposures for this, though? I’m having a hell of a time with this crap mostly I think b/c I don’t feel “safe” in the relationship b/c my bf often doesn’t answer his phone (he works long hours, travels for work and we are in a LDR). He also gets really pissed when I blow up his phone and sometimes doesn’t answer on purpose. It feels like he’s antagonizing me but my therapist is like “good! You shouldn’t be blowing up his phone! Nothing you do will keep him from cheating or get you closer to KNOWING if he’s cheating”. But I keep thinking “yes but if I’m vigilant enough, I’ll catch him cheating then I can end it with him and get relief (sick, eh?)...!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I’m so sorry you are going through this. OCD will try and tell you everything is something. Mine will not let things go and take every single thing as evidence and try and piece it together to see if he’s doing something bad. It’s relentless. And it seems like every time I turn around there is a trigger.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Triggers can be everywhere. Especially if you are not trusting them. Even if they don’t give you solid evidence, there can be something that sets you off. Anything looks suspicious when you have OCD
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes I’m exactly the same way as you both. Everything is evidence of cheating. Sucks and it’s an everyday battle, totally relentless. Triggers are random and make no sense whatsoever. Torturous.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
That last sentence is exactly how I think ocd works. What if I find something, then I will know! But if it’s not there, you never will find anything, and there’s where the doubt lives. We have to learn to live with the doubt. For myself, I have to learn to live now. Enjoy my time with my spouse. If something is there, I won’t need to search for it, it will just come out. I have to trust God and trust my spouse.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yup. Been doing it for years with my spouse
- Date posted
- 6y ago
In fact. On the Bible app we have installed, some young teenager tried to friend him and it’s caused me tons of anxiety. He has no idea who she is. It shouldn’t be a thing but my OCD latches onto it and won’t let it go
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hey. idk if you guys are still available on this feed but I just read through your posts and I’ve never felt more related to in my entire life! I’ve been goin through the exact same thing as you both and it’s just such a relief to feel like i’m not the only one over here
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes. it’s like an everyday thing. I have no idea what the trigger is... at first I thought it was pure jealousy but there is definitely more there
- Date posted
- 6y ago
What therapy have you guys been doing (if any) to deal with this?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
That didn’t make sense I realize. What I meant to say is I had an ocd moment last night. When I went to my therapist this morning, she did not want me to share what it was about(like I usually do). She didn’t want me to get reassurance. In the past, when I’ve had an issue I’ve told her in detail and we talk it through. Now she is trying a different approach. And it makes me anxious because I want her to tell me everything is okay and that there is nothing there
- Date posted
- 6y ago
P-I totally get it. My parents know about his too and they tell me I shouldn’t be going through any of his stuff! And if you’re looking for something you will always “find something” The fear is always “what if”. It’s so difficult. I wish I had an answer for you. We have three young children and I don’t want them to think poorly of me in this. I want to fully trust him. He’s not perfect but he’s never done anything to make me feel like this. It is hell for sure. Are you on any medication?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
i feel like an awful person for it but i keep doing it all the time as well
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Not following you Ashley.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
What happened ?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I wanted to explain where my thoughts were going and how I’m got to the point of anxiety and what if it all means something. She said she purposefully didn’t allow me to tell her so that I wouldn’t seek reassurance.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I don’t go thru his things but I used to spend hrs going thru my ex’s emails and texts in the middle of the night while he was sleeping ? then I’d wake up in the morning and be like “so what was this email to this girl from five years ago when we didn’t even know each other?!” With my current bf I almost avoid his stuff but his phone is what tortured me the most, watching him use it and not knowing what he’s doing on it or thinking he’s doing online dating while we are apart or whatever. Since he travels for work on his days off when he’s in some random town it’s the worst. He hates being on the phone so he just goes on with his life and we talk everyday but I want to just KEEP him on the phone or get a hold of him and he often doesn’t pick up and my brain goes WILD. For meds I’m taking namenda - works on glutamate. I tried a lot of SSRIs but couldn’t deal with side effects. I’m hoping to get into the ketamine trial at Stanford. I’ll find out in a few weeks. I hear it’s promising.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I hear you - but it’s like I don’t know how to reconcile trust and doubt! Those things don’t seem to want to co-exist!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
No they do not. It’s long suffering. Hopefully we can use this for good somehow
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I don’t know ? I’ve been so anxious the last week and my bf and I have been fighting so much. I feel very alone.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w ago
I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Does Rocd make it nearly impossible to forgive your partner for anything. Whether it is big or small? My situation is so gray area where there’s something my bf did that I feel like I’m not okay with but he did this when we were first dating (not bf and gf yet). I ruminate all day about it bc I don’t want to lose him and see a future with him and I know he loves me so purely. But I also feel like I’m going against my morals here bc I do feel betrayed by what he did. I try to forgive him by diminishing my feelings and telling myself “he never did anything physical with a girl or went out with another girl while we were together” but still feel so hurt that he even messaged another girl while us dating. He’s given me an explanation and has proved how much I can trust him so I’m just completely stuck on whether I should forgive something I know I would’ve never done to him or leave him even though the only thing he’s done wrong was before us becoming official. I’ve broken up with him countless times over this situation bc I feel like I “can’t live with it” but then immediately when we break up I want him back and I kind of understand his explanation and reasoning. I don’t know what is ocd and what is my real intuition anymore. I genuinely think it’s both. Are any of you guys in the same boat?
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond