I definitely got better with NOCD help, I got better at reacting to thoughts. But I do not necessarily feel better, through all of this I definitely lost a whole chunk of myself that I can’t seem to find again

do you do erp? do you expose yourself to children? I’m not naturally around children, so thats why I think the confusion is still there. I have a husband whom I adore & always long for. Idk why ocd makes me feel like something is wrong with me for not liking children that way, i know its socially acceptable to not be a p.

@;-; yes i do ERP. i am not around kids 99%. i keep getting thoughts that try to ruin my day. i was doing well, but now i’m getting ‘keep looking at the photos, you’re attracted. you want to.’ but i’m uncomfortable the whole time i do. i hate this.

@LiamC1 I get wild thoughts about children, which I hate because overall pedophilia makes me uncomfortable. I wish I had like a child of my own. This sucks, I wish I was on meds.

@;-; this whole thing is just awful. it’s the most emotional turmoil i’ve been in since… i don’t even know. this feels like the worst thing emotionally that i’ve been through. at least there are others going through it and understanding exactly how i feel. at least we aren’t alone, and we can beat this.

@LiamC1 Its like I KNOW I’m not attracted to kids, especially s*xually, but the DOUBT. KILLS ME. I need to know 100%%%% so I can just move on. Some people on here say pocd for them went away. So I’m hoping that can happen to me! But then I get a contradicting feeling/thought that I don’t want it to go away? :/ I love children, like overall enjoy their silliness. But I’ve never been terrified that I could be a p. Apparently pedophiles KNOW. & I know I’m not, but that still isn’t enough!!!?

@;-; yeah, there’s so much doubt and uncertainty and i hate it so much. it’s awful. i question constantly.

@LiamC1 Good luck to you, I’m 22 & I saw that you are 20 so if for whatever reason you’d like to talk some more feel free

@;-; that would be nice. it’s so hard to go through this and not have anyone to talk to about it. i feel awful throughout all of this. there have been a lot of things that have happened to me, i’ve had awful luck talking to girls online where they’d lie about their age and then i’d feel immense guilt and feel like a monster even if i had no clue. i’ve done something pretty awful that i felt super guilty for last year as well, but no one was hurt thankfully.

@LiamC1 If you’d like we can exchange numbers or emails ? Lol i dont really care. I’m definitely not a minor & don’t even talk to minors -_- I used to lie about my age to guys when I was young I think I did it because I wanted to talk to them so bad had they known my real age they wouldn’t flirt with me . I’m sorry about that , I understand its hard to live with a good conscience with this awful theme

@;-; do you have an iphone? i’m from canada so i’m not sure if i’d be charged for texting an american number