hunty
- Date posted
- 4y
Sound LotusSound Lotus
- Date posted
- 4y
This isn't necessarily a bad thing imo. In my journey through healing, I've found that I've often latched on to the identity that my intrusive thoughts tell me I am (an inhuman monster). As I learn to humanize myself and love myself, I'm detaching from that identity. But it feels like I'm losing a part of myself, when really it's healing and reforming my identity. I say this because I wonder if it's the same for you. We latch on to these parts of ourselves and when we heal, we begin to detach from them making it feel like we've lost ourselves when in reality we're just healing and re-emerging as a "new" person. So we mourn our previous self because it's what we knew for so long.
LiamC1LiamC1
- Date posted
- 4y
oh man this exactly. i react to the intrusive thinking much better now, but i’m still uncertain about whether i like the thoughts. it’s a total loss of identity. i feel like a different person.
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
do you do erp? do you expose yourself to children? I’m not naturally around children, so thats why I think the confusion is still there. I have a husband whom I adore & always long for. Idk why ocd makes me feel like something is wrong with me for not liking children that way, i know its socially acceptable to not be a p.
LiamC1LiamC1
- Date posted
- 4y
@;-; yes i do ERP. i am not around kids 99%. i keep getting thoughts that try to ruin my day. i was doing well, but now i’m getting ‘keep looking at the photos, you’re attracted. you want to.’ but i’m uncomfortable the whole time i do. i hate this.
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@LiamC1 I get wild thoughts about children, which I hate because overall pedophilia makes me uncomfortable. I wish I had like a child of my own. This sucks, I wish I was on meds.
LiamC1LiamC1
- Date posted
- 4y
@;-; this whole thing is just awful. it’s the most emotional turmoil i’ve been in since… i don’t even know. this feels like the worst thing emotionally that i’ve been through. at least there are others going through it and understanding exactly how i feel. at least we aren’t alone, and we can beat this.
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@LiamC1 Its like I KNOW I’m not attracted to kids, especially s*xually, but the DOUBT. KILLS ME. I need to know 100%%%% so I can just move on. Some people on here say pocd for them went away. So I’m hoping that can happen to me! But then I get a contradicting feeling/thought that I don’t want it to go away? :/ I love children, like overall enjoy their silliness. But I’ve never been terrified that I could be a p. Apparently pedophiles KNOW. & I know I’m not, but that still isn’t enough!!!?
LiamC1LiamC1
- Date posted
- 4y
@;-; yeah, there’s so much doubt and uncertainty and i hate it so much. it’s awful. i question constantly.
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@LiamC1 Good luck to you, I’m 22 & I saw that you are 20 so if for whatever reason you’d like to talk some more feel free
LiamC1LiamC1
- Date posted
- 4y
@;-; that would be nice. it’s so hard to go through this and not have anyone to talk to about it. i feel awful throughout all of this. there have been a lot of things that have happened to me, i’ve had awful luck talking to girls online where they’d lie about their age and then i’d feel immense guilt and feel like a monster even if i had no clue. i’ve done something pretty awful that i felt super guilty for last year as well, but no one was hurt thankfully.
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@LiamC1 If you’d like we can exchange numbers or emails ? Lol i dont really care. I’m definitely not a minor & don’t even talk to minors -_- I used to lie about my age to guys when I was young I think I did it because I wanted to talk to them so bad had they known my real age they wouldn’t flirt with me . I’m sorry about that , I understand its hard to live with a good conscience with this awful theme
LiamC1LiamC1
- Date posted
- 4y
@;-; do you have an iphone? i’m from canada so i’m not sure if i’d be charged for texting an american number
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes I do have iphone, I don’t think you’d be charged if we imessage with iphone
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- 20w
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- Date posted
- 18w
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Holl1
- Date posted
- 18w
OCD
So I’ve noticed that my OCD has calmed down, I’m getting less intrusive thoughts but I feel more uncertain than ever. Is this normal for recovery?
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