I just wanted to vent for a moment. But I'm so scared of being unable to find love. I'm 31, and have abstained from a LTR over the years, as I was putting too much on partners for validation and reassurance. I might as well have asked them to valiDate me. I am at a point of healing now where I think I am ready to re-enter the dating world but I'm fucking terrified. What if they find out about my intrusive thoughts and find me as disgusting as I find myself? I want to be human, but I've never been able to think of myself as such. What if they make fun of my past like my first real significant other did? I hate these thoughts. They're so terrifying. And I feel so alone. Which is where I tell myself I need to be, even if I don't want to be here. Thanks for listening.

I just need to get this off my chest but I feel like every time I develop romantic feelings for someone, it’s never genuine, it’s never love, it’s a placement of feelings and what I ideally want out of a romantic relationship onto a single person and it’s just not fair to them. It’s an obsession, obsession with an idea of someone and not for what they truly are. Picking out traits that I like and value in a partner, picking apart a person like they aren’t real. It’s just not healthy. I want to be able to love and be loved. I know that this person will never feel the same and it is not their fault, but I’m still hurt over this idea of them that I’ve built in my head. I’ve constructed a false persona for this person just because they embody something that I am seeking, and to be honest, I can’t tell if that’s a friend or just someone to give me the time of day because I’m so desperate to be heard and seen, I want attention, to be wanted even if it means being used or just given a moment to be in their presence. I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship, I feel like I am clouded by delusion, I feel crazy. Maybe that’s simply because I just am not emotionally stable enough to engage in a meaningful relationship to any degree. There was this person that I took a liking to and saw as a potential someone to become a large part of my life, but they don’t think anything of me, so for the long periods of time that I received nothing but radio silence, I was left with alone with my thoughts and holding onto whatever sliver of hope that they might feel the same. None of it is real. I want to feel normal and not get so emotional over every relationship I ever form, especially those that come with romantic feelings. I don’t know how to overcome this, all I can think about is them. Do I just confess my feelings and get it over with? Face the rejection so I can move on? Or just be left wondering and seeing out how this relationship progresses…even if that risks fading into absolute nothingness and never interacting again? I’m just so caught up in my head over someone who will never ever think twice about me. Sometimes I feel they may hate me even and just be responding with kindness out of courtesy and the fact that they are just a genuinely good person. I have no hard feelings towards them, they’ve done nothing wrong. I just can’t help but be mad at myself for feeling this way, allowing myself to fall into this again. It happens every time I get close. Do you think I’m being crazy or is it normal? I don’t even know what I wanted out of this relationship, maybe relationships aren’t something written for me. Do you think I’ll ever be able to get to a point where I can develop a healthy, non-obsessive, truly meaningful relationship? Any advice??

This is about OCD but also I just want to rant, I feel very lonely at times. My dad died when I was very young & as the oldest daughter I feel like I’ve had to be strong my entire life. My friends & family love and support me but for some reason I’ve never felt comfortable being vulnerable or discussing my feelings. Everyone tells me I’m the person they go to for advice/support but I have never once opened up to anyone, it almost feels impossible to do so. I mask so well that none of my friends or family know I struggle. No one has ever seen me cry. Also, as a college student with a small group of friends who go out of state, I don’t have many friends in my area so that contributes to feeling isolated. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, & ADHD. As long as I can remember I’ve felt like a bad person and undeserving of love unless i prove myself by being good or useful. I try to keep myself working, volunteering & double majoring in school to feel worthy of love. I genuinely do love life & am so thankful because I feel very blessed. I have good friends & family. But I also feel isolated. (Ik I isolate myself but at the same time I don’t know how to stop). Anyways back in December I broke up with my bf who I had dated for yearsss. He really violated my trust & cheated on me after making me feel crazy for so long & swearing he would never betray me again. It hurt deeply. But ofc I handled it the only way I know how. By being strong. I self isolated. I didn’t tell any of my friends for weeks that we broke up and when I did, I didn’t tell them why (to preserve his image). No one saw how badly it hurt me. To everyone else I seemed fine. I started coping with it in embarrassing ways. I had casual sex with multiple people very quickly that clearly only wanted that from me & didn’t care about me as a person. I am ashamed of this. I’ve stopped meeting new people and decided that’s not the way I want to be and I want to put my energy into healthy outlets. But sometimes in moments of weakness I have had relations with past people (wanting to feel loved & desired & wanted). Anyways my recent theme of OCD has been health + morality related, specifically the fear that I have an STD. I started having some bodily sensations (that i’ve had in the past & aren’t STD related) and started worrying that I may have an STD. When I get health anxiety, I sometimes avoid doctors. I did that for about a month but finally scheduled an appt for Monday. But now the guilt is eating at me and saying “what if you had an STD this whole time & knowingly gave it to others bc you avoided doctors?” That causes me a lot of guilt & shame. I know this is OCD so I’m trying not to ask for reassurance. Sorry that was so long, this is the first time I’ve ranted in a very long time. I just want someone to see me.

Ok, I’m 23 years old guy and I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything intimate with a female. There’s reasons for it I think growing up I was awkward, shy, and at times out of shape. But now I take good care of myself and though I struggle a lot with my mental health I think I could bring a lot to the table but I’ve just never been able to find somebody. I put myself out there on apps(no success) or just being out in the world hoping to meet someone naturally just nothing. I was pretty fine with this fact of waiting for the right person and taking more time than others to find love for most of my life..but everyday I get older it gets more embarrassing. Seeing friends and peers in relationships and talk about intimacy feels like I’m missing out on such a core fundamental part of the human experience. I try not to compare myself to others and have my own journey but I feel kind of pathetic honestly. I’ve been a hopeless romantic for my whole life I think it’s such a beautiful part of life and I’ve been dreaming of the day..that might be a problem honestly because I have such a romanization of it and idea of what it should be that the few chances I might’ve had I overthought or dropped because it didn’t fit that image I had…love at first sight, sparks flying etc..maybe I should be more open..And on top of all of that I do struggle with the fear I’m far to broken or far gone mentally to ever be able to maintain a relationship which hurts because as I’ve expressed it’s what I want most in life. Thank you for reading it might not be 100 percent ocd related but I needed to express this somewhere and I love this community helps me a lot, if anyone in my age group struggles with something similar feel free to share.