I have an obsession with promising things to god. Then I exhaust myself praying. I used to be afraid that something might happen after a promise, but now I am no longer. Instead I’m feel like I can no care but still might worry that something might happen afterwords. Also I feel like I anger god with this game . Can anyone help me this?

Today I was trying to figure out something at work, and some people were watching and I was taking longer than expected. I said to myself, “why am I so stupid” and I felt like I was angry and I felt like I was angry at God. I’m worried because I felt like I cursed God in my heart. I’m worried because who am I to be mad at God. I want to have reverence, and I just don’t know what to do. It feels like my heart is hard.

I just woke up and I keep calling God this terrible word in my head and it feels so real and I’m not super freaked out. I feel kinda numb to the thought but I just feel terrible at the same time because I don’t wanna talk this word I’m scared that God is gonna take me away. I don’t know what to do.

What do I do if I pray really intense prayers when I’m going through a hard time and nothing changes still. I don’t wanna go to him just cuz I need help I try and talk to him all the time but this thing just keeps coming back and idk why if it’s out of my control or it’s cuz I’m lukewarm I just don’t know what to do. Does that mean I’m unsaved if I’ve been not treating him good or feel close