I have an obsession with promising things to god. Then I exhaust myself praying. I used to be afraid that something might happen after a promise, but now I am no longer. Instead I’m feel like I can no care but still might worry that something might happen afterwords. Also I feel like I anger god with this game . Can anyone help me this?

im scared. I keep compulsively praying for bad things or death on the people I love. I don’t understand why. It doesn’t make anything better. I’m scared that these prayers count. I seal them as I do with most of my prayers in Jesus name and with a double amen. I’m scared God will want to teach me a lesson and make something come true. I’m scared I mean these prayers, I’m petrified. If something happened, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself :( I don’t know where to go from here

Does anyone feel like God doesn’t care about your desires even tho I know he does I feel like I stop praying about them because I don’t want to make it an idol and he’s not just gonna give it to me. And I feel like I can’t accept the fact he loves me and is caring and I’m not understanding his character like I’m too hard on myself and just think he wants me to suffer. Why does my mind think this way. And when I’m not doing anything Christian related I feel better sometimes but that’s the devil because he wants us to be distracted but then I don’t want to feel stressed trying to read the Bible but don’t want to make Him a checklist