Does anyone else hoard notebooks then write nothing in them in the fear of "ruining" them?

Seriously, sometimes I just make myself start writing in them.  When I’m feeling really brave and ready to combat my OCD, I’ll even write in pen.  
Making a “mistake” in pen in a fresh notebook actually feels so liberating.  It’s no longer perfect at that point.  It helps me to use the notebook, but even halfway through, I still get that OCD feeling and just have to reignite the fight.  

YES
good lord I recently rounded them all up in one place and they literally fill a whole file box 🙊 

You know what I had to start doing instead? I buy those cheapo steno notepads by the dozen now… since they’re super basic and all identical, and I can rip pages out without messing up the pad, I can actually *use* them 😭