Thread
G :)
6d ago

currently terrified that despite my diagnosis the other day that I don’t actually have ocd. My symptoms have decreased a lot in severity. I feel a lot better. My thematic fears don’t control me right now as much as they did. I feel like I still get the intrusive thoughts and I hate them but I’m able to go that’s ocd and I feel okay. But now I’m scared I made this up, convinced myself I had it, and tricked my psychologist into diagnosing me with ocd. Can ocd wax and wane? Can it be episodic or increase in severity at different times? I can point out probably around 10 ocd episodes I may have had in my life but between them I’ve been mostly fine except for anxiousness and some depressed moods. Is this something different? Or am I just freaking out and obsessing over whether or not I have ocd now? Agh. Crazy. Idk how to wrap my head around my brain b

Gilat
6d ago
I completely relate to u. I have episodes every few years and in between I have thoughts and fears that are manageable. It’s an on going struggle that is very debilitating
G :)
6d ago
I feel like I have breaks for years as well but mine became more frequent before I got my diagnosis. The most debilitating ones though have been years and years apart so idk. I feel like kinda invalid at having OCD. Not complaining about having less episodes at all but it feels like I’m lying to myself. And I feel like if I think it’s not ocd or don’t remind myself that my thematic fears/intrusive thoughts will get even worse again
lh2000
6d ago
I usually have it for months at a time and then get a break for 1 or 2 weeks! I’m pretty sure that’s normal.
Sasha
6d ago
It’s interesting what’s going on here. Did you notice that you are freaking out about the uncertainty of whether you have ocd or not? And how that uncertainty is the very definition of what ocd is. You are having ocd about whether you have ocd or not. Ocd is like the most interesting chess player. It is the most intricate virus of the mind. It will literally tell you it doesn’t exist while at the same time torture you as it gas lights you. So yes, you have ocd. And you’re being played by it, at this very moment
G :)
6d ago
Yeah I did notice and consider that I may be freaking out over the uncertainty of having ocd or not. My mind then told me that because I knew that could be ocd that that’s why I’m obsessing over this because apparently “I want to have ocd”. Also afraid that if I stop obsessing over whether or not I have ocd that people won’t see me as valid in my struggles or that my obsessive fears will come back even worse. I’m just afraid that I’m making all of this up just to excuse and not take responsibility for my thoughts or that I’m just crazy and attention seeking. But why would I make anything up? Also I’m unsure about the diagnosis cause I’ve never had constant obsessions throughout my life. They’ve always ended at one point and then I didn’t have them for years. I don’t know. Thank you for your support. I’m going to try to live with this uncertainty. I have another appointment with my psychologist in a week and I’m going to talk to her about all of this.
Sasha
6d ago
@G :) My only advice is to not focus on the thoughts themselves, but notice the content of the thoughts. Are they intrusive? Are they obsessive? Do they want a certain answer ? If these thoughts meet this category, than label this as ocd thinking and don’t respond to them. It may feel really awful to not respond to them, as though you are committing some terrible mistake, but this is not the case. You will start to get more clarity and recover as soon as you seperate yourself from this thinking pattern
Gilat
5d ago
@Sasha This is so hard for me to do. My current ocd thoughts is about needing proof that my husband isn’t cheating on me. I’ve been obsessed with this theme for years and can’t stop obsessing, checking, needing reassurance,