- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks for sharing. Really great piece
- Date posted
- 3y
Gonna read it on the way to school!
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you very much. This was an excellent read.
- Date posted
- 3y
So good!
- Date posted
- 3y
I read it. Highly recommend! Very good đ
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
Looking back, I realize Iâve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasnât diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldnât explain: "What if God isnât real? What happens when we die? How do I know Iâm real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didnât want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. Sheâd say, "Maybe youâll kill yourselfâwho knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. Iâm working again, Iâm sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If youâre scared to try ERP, I get it. But if youâre already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasnât a major factor then. It wasnât until my longest relationshipâsix years from age 18 to 24âthat OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasnât the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldnât let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if Iâm with the wrong person? Iâd break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then Iâd question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could âwithstand it this time,â only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadnât built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed upâquestioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I havenât yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know thatâs my next step. Just like Iâve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control meâto learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to âfigure it out.â I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know Iâm not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. Iâm hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I donât expect to eliminate doubt entirelyâafter all, doubt is a part of every relationshipâbut I want to reach a place where it doesnât paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. Iâd love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
December 14, 2024, marked two years since my first ERP therapy session with my NOCD therapist, Mixi. And October 2024 marked a year of being free from OCD. It was not an easy journey, confronting my fears face to face. Exposing myself to the images and thoughts my brain kept throwing at me, accepting that I might be the worst mother, that my daughter wouldnât love me, and that I deserved to be considered a bad person. It was challenging having to say, âYes, I am those things,â feeling the desire to run, but realizing the thoughts followed me. At the start of my therapy, I remember feeling like I couldnât do this anymore. Life felt unbearable, and I felt so weak. I longed for a time before the OCD, before the flare-ups, before the anxiety, the daily panic attacks. I thought Iâd never be myself again. But I now know that ERP saved my life. The first couple of sessions were tough. I wasnât fully present. I lied to my therapist about what my actual thoughts were, fearing judgment. I pretended that the exposures were working, but when the sessions ended, I went back to not sleeping, constantly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. But my therapist never judged me. She made me feel safe to be honest with her. She understood OCD and never faltered in supporting me, even when I admitted I had been lying and still continued my compulsions. My biggest milestone in therapy was being 100% transparent with my therapist. That was when real change began. At first, I started smallâsimply reading the words that terrified me: "bad mom," "hated," "unloved." Then, I worked on listening to those words while doing dishesânot completely stopping my rumination, but noticing it. Just 15 minutes, my therapist said. It wasnât easy. At one point, I found myself thinking, âWill I ever feel like myself again?â But I kept pushing through. Slowly, I built tolerance and moved to face-to-face exposuresâsitting alone with my daughter, leaning into the thought that my siblings might die, reading articles about my worst fears, and calling myself the things I feared. Each session was challenging, but with time, the thoughts started to lose their grip. By my eleventh session, I started to realize: OCD was here, and it wasnât going away, but I could keep living my life despite it. I didnât need to wait for it to be quiet or go away to move on. Slowly, it began to quiet down, and I started to feel like myself again. In fact, I am not my old self anymoreâIâm a better version. OCD hasnât completely disappeared, but itâs quieter now. Most of the time, it doesnât speak, and when it does, I know how to handle it. The last session with my therapist was emotional. I cried because I was finishing therapy. I remember how, in the beginning, I cried because I thought it was just startingâbecause I was overwhelmed and terrified. But at the end, I cried because I was sad it was ending. It felt like I had come so far, and part of me wasnât ready to say goodbye, even though I had already learned so much. It was a bittersweet moment, but I knew I was walking away stronger, equipped with the tools to handle OCD on my own. If I could change anything about my journey, it would be being open and honest from the beginning. It was the key to finding true healing. The transparency, the honestyâit opened the door to lasting change. Iâm no longer that person who was stuck in constant panic. Iâm someone who has fought and survived, and while OCD still appears from time to time, I know it doesnât define me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. Have you started therapy, is something holding you back? Is there something you want to know about ERP therapy? I'll be live in the app answering each and every one today from 6-7pm EST. Please drop them below!
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