I’m super aware of intrusive thoughts and they don’t go away and I don’t know how to make them go away or how to deal with them. And last night I had an urge and was almost going to act on one and that terrified me. I came home and the same thought arhat scared me was still in my mind and it scares me. I’m scared I’m going to lose control and become a bad person because I just don’t know what to do about the thoughts and how I’m capable of these things. I even contemplated about admitting myself to a mental hospital to get help because it’s getting bad and I don’t know how to control it. But I’m scared of doing that because what if I just end up staying in there for the rest of my life. What should I do I’m really scared and worried I may never get better and this is it for me.

Relax and breathe you’re safe. You don’t make your thought go away because it will come back. You’re fighting something that doesn’t exist and it’s not real. Your thought is just a thought it’s not reality. The moment you’re trying to defeat something that’s not real you lose. You’re having a mental diarrhea. You don’t do anything at this time.

Our goal isnt to make the thoughts go away. Its about learning to manage the thoughts in a new way. The more you struggle with the thoughts, the more they will hurt you. You have to learn that thoughts arent dangerous, they can be uncomfortable but not dangerous. Seek help, there is hope for you too.

Everyone has in intrusive thoughts. The thought itself is not the problem. The problem is how we react to them. We give intrusive thoughts more weight and meaning than they deserve. You need to find a therapist who specializes in ERP and understands OCD. Doing ERP is terrifying, but it really does help. I have both harm and suicide OCD. So I know how terrifying these types of thoughts can be. But recovery is possible. When I had my 90 minute assessment with my therapist, I was terrified to tell her about some of the thoughts that I had. I thought for sure she would have me involuntarily committed to the hospital or that she would call the police on me. A therapist who understands OCD will not bat an eye at anything you say. They have heard it all before. They will recognize the difference between an intrusive thought and true intention. They are NOT the same thing. I received this in my email yesterday. I hope it helps you as much as it did me. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-tell-a-therapist-your-scariest-thoughts?src=email_%5BClone%5D%20OnlinedERP_vs_InPerson_091021

Ok first of all how old are you? If you are an adult you can leave whenever you want unless you tell them you are suicidal or homicial with a plan and intent. And if you are a minor, you can’t leave when you want but if you are not suicidal or homicial they won’t keep you, they’ll just keep you for an average stay. And nobody gets put in a psych ward for life for having OCD. You usually stay like 2 weeks. Second, this is how you stop https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/

Staff in mental hospital are very rude. I witnessed violence and things that made my ocd worse. They could not help me. Coffee is not allowed plus there are people running around, some people yelling and laughing loud., some people hallucinating walking around fighting and arguing with the wall , one guy pretending to be a helicopter running around the hallway. After lunch there is something called “ Quiet Time” where everyone has to go to their room for mandatory 1hour nap time. I shared room with guy that was hearing voices . They removed me from that room told me it’s not safe to stay there because of him. If you don’t take your medication when they give you , you will never get out. It was just horrible experience for me. I would never check myself in again.