Hey guys. This is a long read but pls check it out. Have you ever reached a point in your life where the big things felt small and the small things felt big? Recently, a lot of traumas and obsessions that I struggled to recover from no longer take up space like they used to. I never once thought that this would be possible. Life is so weird. It’s so strange. It’s such a bizarre moment where you become worried about how long it’ll take to cook a meal, or whether the weather the next day is okay for the activities you have planned. Or anything else that’s mundane and ordinary and It’s such a beautiful point to reach. Guys. Conquering OCD and being able to manage it. Really makes you feel like you can get through anything. To think a few months back I was on the verge of suicide because I felt to my core that I was a monster and I was a threat to everyone I loved. You guys may think you hate yourselves but you are doing something so beautiful for yourselves by trying to get better. I remember the first slither of hope I had and how I really had to hold onto that for dear life. Sometimes my grip slipped but just keep holding out hope. You will, I can just feel it, that you’ll all get better. Looking back it feels like I experienced the same hellish day over and over again just being alone with my thoughts. Now, sometimes they’re still there but like I was saying,they feel so small. You guys are learning about how your mind works. And once you figure it out you know how to manage it for a life time. And that sounds scary but you know how it operates now. You’re learning more about yourself. And a huge component of OCD recovery is learning how to sit with the overwhelming and unbearable and suffocating feelings. And that is such an asset to have. After wailing and weeping for days on end, it feels like no matter what happens next. No matter how traumatising. I know, I truly know that I have space within myself to feel the hard whirlwind of emotions. I know I can bear the intensity of them. And I know that by feeling the height of these emotions, I can get better a lot sooner. I used to feel like I didn’t trust myself and feel a lot of shame when I remember I used to believe my thoughts. But I don’t think so anymore. I really put all my energy in, to the point I was so drained that I was bed bound, trying to argue and grapple with these thoughts. Trying to win my case. I hope you all get to a point in your recovery where the small things feel big and big things feel small, again. <3

I am FINALLY starting to (somewhat) recover from this last existential spiral, which admittedly, was probably the cruelest my OCD has ever been to me. Only thanks to you all. You were all able to provide me with kindness, understanding and support… without the kind of reassurance that feeds OCD, of course. When I downloaded this app, I was genuinely terrified. I was so scared that I was permanently doomed to the endless whirlpool that is the thoughts produced by my own brain and that life as I knew it was over, that I would never be happy again. For anyone who might be feeling that way right now, your OCD is LYING to you! Whatever you may be going through, it CAN get better. As hard as it may be right now, HAVE FAITH! Get up and do that thing you want to do in spite of the fear and discomfort. Take the fear with you like a whiny, unwilling toddler and do it anyway. Watch the movie, read the book, order that takeout you’ve been craving, bake the cake, wash the dishes… Please do it anyway! It will be hard at first, I won’t lie. But the OCD part of your brain, like a toxic partner, WANTS to win. It wants you to give up on those things that you love, all those things that make you happy so that there’s no space for anything but itself. Don’t let it win. The more you push yourself, the more you rewire your brain to realize that as much as it may feel like, the obsession doesn’t matter! Thanks to you all, even without therapy (YET - I’m starting that journey on Tuesday because there’s still a lot to unpack, and I know that OCD won’t just magically go away), I was able to get a basic understanding of ERP and learning to sit with discomfort and how to live life in spite of it, rather than letting it take over my very being. So for that, I thank this community. I think I would be in a very different place right now if it weren’t for the people I’ve met here who truly understood my experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please don’t give up. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your brain is telling you ❤️

A reflection I never saw myself being able to write✨ One year ago today, I was spiraling for a second time because I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, again. Getting through it once was doable but twice? I truly thought I was losing my mind. OCD wasn’t just a shadow in the background — it was a loud, relentless voice narrating fear, doubt, and compulsions into every corner of my life. I couldn’t trust my thoughts, couldn’t rest in silence. I was questioning everything. I was exhausted coasting through the motions of life trying to survive every minute of every day. But today — I’m here. Still imperfect, still human, but finally free in a way I didn’t think was possible. I got here by learning the hardest, most empowering lesson of my life: I had to stop depending on anyone else to pull me out. I had to stop outsourcing my safety, my certainty, my worth. I had to become the person I could rely on — not in a cold, lonely way, but in the most solid, liberating way possible. You see, healing didn’t come when others gave me reassurance — it came when I stopped needing it. When I realized no one could fight the war in my mind for me. It had to be me. Not because others didn’t care — but because I had to be the one to stop running from fear. I had to choose courage over comfort, again and again. And boy was that rough. But I did. Through therapy, I retrained my brain. (Shout out to Casey Knight🙏🏼) I stopped dancing to OCD’s obsessive rhythm and started rewriting the song. And yeah — the beat dropped a few times. But I kept moving forward. Slowly, I started turning my mind into a place I wanted to live in. I made it beautiful. Not by forcing positive thoughts, but by planting seeds of truth: 🌱 Not every thought deserves attention. 🌱 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger. 🌱 Uncertainty is not the enemy — it’s just part of being alive. I started treating my mind like a garden instead of a battlefield. I let go of perfection and started watering what was real, what was kind, what was mine. And let’s be honest — there were still a few weeds. (Hello, OCD — always trying to “check in.” ) Because healing isn’t linear, I still have days where I feel back to square one, but it’s a day, not a week, month, or another year of surrendering. But here’s the “punny” truth: OCD tried to check me, but I checked myself — with compassion, courage, & a whole lot of practice. To anyone still caught in the spiral — I want you to know: you are not broken. You don’t need to wait for someone else to save you. No else will. The strength you’re looking for? It’s already in you. It might be buried under fear, doubt, and rumination, but it’s there — patient and unbreakable. Start small. Start scared. Just start. Because when you stop relying on the world to reassure you, and start trusting your own ability to face uncertainty, you get something even better than comfort — you get freedom, resilience, power & SO much more. You don’t have to control every thought/urge to have a beautiful mind. You just have to stop believing every thought/urge is the truth. You don’t have to be fearless , you just have to act in spite of fear. You are not crazy You are not a monster You are not evil You are human You are capable And if OCD ever tries to take over again, just smile and say, “Nice try. But not today.” — Someone who came back to life, one brave thought at a time 🧡

I wanted to share with you guys some of the things that have helped me in the past few weeks! If you’re open to it, maybe try a few and see how you feel! First I would really recommend leaning on God. If you’re not a believer you may be skeptical but if you’ve never tried to read the Bible, prayer or even just talking with God, I would recommend so much! My relationship with God has gotten so much better through this terrible illness and in turn I have noticed a lot of positivity, I feel substantially better since I’ve been trying to bring this to God instead of worry about it myself. If you can give your worries to God and learn to have faith that he is with you, loves and forgives you. You have a great step towards recovery and even just a more positive life. Next, try going outside! I know it sounds kinda dumb but I mean it! Some of my best days started with just going outside, reading a book and or listening to music. I went out and tanned, ate some fruit with some lemonade and read “Girl Wash Your Face” it was a great book! I would spend HOURS and it helped me so much! Take a walk, hike, etc.! This leads into the next thing…READING! I recently bought the new book “don’t believe everything you think” and the workbook and it is amazing! This also applies to reading your Bible and other books, specially ones targeting self help and things like that! Another thing is fitness! Try out the gym, I know there is days that you just can’t bring yourself to get up but in those days, make yourself go to the gym! Even if you just go walk on the treadmill or bike! Anything is better than nothing! Keep yourself active, I promise it will make you feel better! Find a good podcast! I have been listening to (The OCD Stories on Spotify), sometimes I’ve even listened while I was going to sleep and let it play through the night! Go on YouTube and follow Chrissie Hodges, NOCD and look for other people who help! Go on instagram and follow Chrissie Hodges, NOCD, iocdf, sincerelyocd, recoverocd, letstalk.ocd, my lovely ocd and there are so many more! Find good music! Again I’m going to bring up worship music some of my favs being ( I Thank God, Move of God, Hard fought Hallelujah, The Truth, Made for more, Thy Will, and there is so many more!) if you would like I can share my playlist! But overall music is so helpful and if you are not a believer or want something different I would recommend songs by Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Kesha, Rihanna, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, even Billy Joel, Queen, Beck, and things of that nature that are gonna get you PUMPED UP! Lastly, hang out with PEOPLE! Don’t let OCD rule your life, put your ocd in a box best you can and go live your life! Get lunch with a friend, join a bible study, go get a massage, even just meet up with a friend and talk in a parking lot while shoving your face with fast food! You NEED interaction as much as you don’t want to! I know some of these are hard, some is triggering or you’re nervous that you’re gonna spiral, but step out of your comfort zone! That’s the way to get better! Do things that make you feel uncomfortable, the things that are unknown, the things you used to do before this! You can still live and love your life you don’t have to keep just “surviving”! And this isn’t a fix all, trust me I still have my days where I’m like nope I’m staying in bed and crying, but you need to push yourself! No one is coming to hold your hand and walk you out of this, you have to want to help yourself too! And you can do that! I know it’s scary and uncomfortable but you got this! We’re gonna kick some OCD butt! I hope you find this helpful and I wish you the most luck! Comment if you have questions and whatnot! 🫶