- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I have ALL of this besides the flooding fear mines fire lol. I could of wrote this crazy. It is so lonely and hard to get trough the day. Feels good when I hear others who brains work like mine does but im sorry your suffering too.
- Date posted
- 4y
Omg that's weirdly made me feel a little bit better that someone feels the same way! Sending positive vibes your way! :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey san34, I just want you to know that you should definitely NOT die and I want to remind you that you CAN make it through this. But I can relate to how you're feeling and why you feel like that's the only answer. My OCD causes me extreme intrusive thoughts too, to the point where I can't even focus on work or spending time with my wife or even sleeping a lot of the time. It has gotten a little bit better recently though, but it was really difficult even just a week ago. I would get done with work and just come home and cry to my wife for 20 or 30 minutes about how sad and depressed and defeated I felt by my OCD. I didn't know what to do, every moment I felt like I was going to feel triggered by something, and I would... And I still do have OCD triggers, but it's died down a little bit since just a week ago. But it just goes to remind me that healing from OCD IS possible, and any one of us CAN learn to find peace over this madness known as OCD. I don't have all the answers, but I do recommend doing your very best to ignore the compulsions that you have to stare, and that you accept the uncertainty of your OCD. I know that probably doesn't bring you much comfort, but trust me that it REALLY does help and it makes a big difference. PLEASE don't give up friend! You have already made it so far! You've been dealing with OCD since 2015 and now we're in 2021, I'd say that already makes you a winner san34. :) we're going to have good moments and bad moments in life with this mental condition we have, but remember that there is hope and peace to be had. I have to get back to work now, I'm sorry I can't talk more, but I hope to be able to talk to you again later to see how you're doing. Remember that the people in this community do care about you, and we want to see you succeed and find happiness. All we can do is our best and be here for each other. I hope you have a great rest of your day! Try to look for positive things today, even if it's something small like a friendly greeting from someone or just looking up at the sky and seeing how beautiful the day is. You CAN do this! Just continue to take life one day at a time, you're already doing a great job! :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you drew for your lovely message, it's my day better! downloading this app was the best thing ive ever done as I don't feel like I'm the only one going through this. You've given me some courage to actually do something with my day rather then ruminate all day long haha :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@san34 I'm so glad I could help you feel better friend! I actually was going to say more earlier honestly, but I'm at work and had to start working again unfortunately. I'm so glad you have the courage to do something with your day now though! :) hold on to that courage and remember it the next time you are struggling with your OCD. And remember to smile, I know that might sound silly, but I think smiling can really make a big difference in our mood and how we feel. :)
- Date posted
- 4y
I also pray about it and read the Bible. It has helped me to have peace through my troubles. But I get you, negative thoughts are so hard to get past.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )
- Date posted
- 14w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
- Date posted
- 6w
I’m just realizing I have OCD. I have been diagnosed with adhd, autism and CPTSD but OCD never occurred to me until recently. My OCD manifests internally (pure O) then I seek reassurance for whatever topic I’m fixating on so of course I chalked it up to anxiety but it’s so much more than that. And I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. Now it’s really messing with my life. Lately, it’s been ROCD that’s been ruining me. I had a couple deep wounds created by my husband a few years ago and I’m constantly fixating on if he’s lying, really loves me, and or he wants to leave me. I’m constantly asking for reassurance and I think he’s getting tired of it. He’s an otherwise great partner but the OCD has really kicked in after I found out he was hiding a porn addiction, he hid it twice and it really ruined my self esteem and trust in him. Now I get triggered by every pretty girl I see, every social media post about relationships, I fixate on how unattractive he might find me or what’s wrong with me. I’m also aging in my thirties so I obsess over if he is getting less attracted as I age . I feel pathetic. Of course he always tells me I’m beautiful and he loves me but I’m always suspicious that he’s not being honest. I’ve always had OCD but this is the worst I’ve been with my relationship. I’m melting down and doubting us often and especially at night. It’s been a few years now and I feel like it’s gotten so hard. When I was younger it was health OCD, then it was existential, and I definitely fixate on if I’m “good” morally too. I’ll confess and overshare to people all my mistakes. And on top of the ROCD, I have pure OCD and get the worst images and intrusive thoughts at work/ random places and it’s horrible because I work with vulnerable people. My biggest nightmare and fear is pedophilia or assault, and I care deeply about my kids and vulnerable people so it’s like my mind hates me and these horrible images and thoughts fly at me l. I would never ever harm my kids or vulnerable people so this is especially disturbing and mortifying. I learned that OCD is ego dystonic and that’s helped but the images still make me feel awful. I also have been the scapegoat and black sheep in my narcissistic abusive family so I will my OCD will fixate on if I AM the narcissist! It’s exhausting. It got worse after I encountered my abuser in my family earlier this year and he brought up a lot of trauma. He is actually a narcissist but my brain will try to convince me that I am, and I will give in to the compulsion then do quizzes and tests and of course they tell me I’m not a narcissist, but then my OCD will make me think I am. I’m very empathetic and terrified of hurting people yet my brain tries to convince me I’m horrible, then the reassurance seeking and anxiety that manifests from my OCD and trauma makes me feel so self absorbed and sick of myself, convincing me I’m narcissistic for thinking of myself so much. I’m so exhausted by this. My brain tortures me. The overthinking is hard to combat. I really try hard to accept these thoughts as just thoughts but there’s always that voice creeping in that maybe the intrusive thoughts are right. Maybe I’m terrible and unlovable. I hate it.
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