Does getting used to the thoughts mean I’m desensitized or does it mean that I’m starting to accept it ? I keep telling myself just because it dosnt make me as uncomfortable dosnt mean I want it . But of course I doubt that too . I just want it to go away

it feels like i accepted being gay and thats part of who i am but i still feel that tension and fake attraction whenever i see a man and i feel like i could be able to have a sexual intercourse with a man even though i dont want it is it still hocd or just denial? like i am feeling okey but there is still that doubt that how can i know that im not gay if i dont get disgusted by gay things or gay personality traits and at the same time i want to feel normal again like before

I know the solution is to always say “yeah that could be true, but I am choosing to live my life anyway.” However, I feel like my biggest issue is my brain always assuming that it is immediately true when I do that. Like if I say “maybe I’m attracted to teenagers, it’s possible,” then my brain INSTANTLY starts rationalizing that thought and defending it and being like “oh okay so you think this now and it makes sense because xyz, and now that’s who you are and your real desire is now and always will be teenagers.” I feel really alone in this area of feeling like my brain “accepting the thoughts” means my brain immediately accepts them as true. I obviously don’t want to think they’re true but I feel so stuck now.

Is anyone else sort of desensitized by their intrusive thoughts? I still get slight discomfort, and I don't like them, but I think I've been becoming numb to them in a way? It might just be a mental drain. I've been having an anxiety spike due to them for a month now.