I came home tonight from hanging out with my boyfriend and I go into my room to see a heart drawing made by my little sister taped up on my wall next to my bed and it makes me feel so sad and guilty. I wish I had never gotten any intrusive thoughts about my sister. I’m such a shitty older sister I hate it. I just wish this never happened. It sucks because she sees me cry because this is all new and it’s hard and she’s always like “big sis are you okay” I don’t deserve her kindness. Tomorrow I start ERP let’s hope it goes well. This is the heart drawing it made me sad :,(

You do deserve her kindness. You are a human being with a mental health condition and with thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts and feelings do not make you a bad person that should feel guilty. I swear I know completely how you feel. I‘ve been feeling the absolute worst guilt around my brother. But look the thing is: we want to spend time with our siblings because we love them. And no matter what’s going on inside our heads, we can learn to be present anyways. You won’t always feel like this ❤️ are you in therapy already?

You didn’t ask for the thoughts you have. They just appear. They’re no more personal or reflective of “you” as a cloud appearing in the sky is.

Hey I've been going through the same thing lately I get the groinals around my little brothers and some weird thoughts that I hate. It feels horrible. But I understand that I don't actually enjoy it... I'm feeling guilty but I'm trying to be with them because it helps, don't evoid them.. try to deal with those feelings. I want you to remember that you're okay, you're not alone, you're not a horrible person, I understand how you feeling and believe me you deserve everything good.

Thank you it’s just really hard :( the guilt and anxiety being around my family sucks. I work two jobs and my days off I’m never really home. So I don’t see them as often but when I do I kinda push them away because of the guilt I feel less guilt but it’s still there. The anxiety is still there too and the worries of “what if”. I started here tomorrow is my first real session and I’m really nervous about it 😭