I keep having the thoughts to kill myself and I'm scared I actually will or if I actually want too! My mind keeps telling me certain ways too and also hearing the word "suicide" makes me feel weird and scared like I feel it in my chest! I don't know why! And last period teacher said her nice son died to suicide and I wanted to cry and got scared

I can imagine how scary this is for you. It is very easy to get wrapped up in the anxiety of the triggers to harm yourself. The OCD feeds off of this anxiety and it creates narratives in your head that you ruminate upon until you convince yourself that something is true when it isn’t. It can feel so real though. I hope that you are in therapy and are getting help. I am having my first ERP session this evening. This illness is incredibly tough. This is how I think of them. The thoughts are the same thoughts that everyone else has at different times. Most people can just let go of them like water running down a sink. They just go away. But for OCD we have a hook in our brains - like a fishing hook - that catches these thoughts and doesn’t allow us to just forget about them and move on. Instead we ruminate on them and obsess over them until we convince ourselves that they are real or truth. Try to think about that the next time you are triggered and let the fish on your line go away back into the water. You can best this.

My issue is that I get depressed and I have thoughts that feel real like I really want do it but I have been having these thoughts on and off in severity since I was 7 and I’m 42 now. It’s awful

Hi friend! First of all I just want to say that I can't imagine how tough you have it right now. But it gets better. Anxiety passes and your mind calms I promise. You mustn't believe everything your mind illustrates. A mind is a beautiful thing but if you pay too much attention to it it becomes an ailment. OCD is a jester that is trying to trick you. So instead of emotionally engaging in the though just let it pass. Watch it from afar in your mind and it will calm. Lastly, it might be a great idea to talk to a therapist as well because conversation therapy can help a lot! It helped me. Also I'm here if you want to chat about anything to get your mind of things 😁

I have never acted on the thoughts even though it feels like I want to.

Thank you to everyone who gave advice! It was very helpful! :)