I always feel ignored. I can’t tell if I’m just paranoid and overthinking or if there’s something about me that’s unpleasant to others.

Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.

Paranoia… I need to know because I’m feeling very alone in this. I’ve never met someone with the level of paranoia that I have. I can logically explain things to myself and somehow my paranoia convinces me of another story. I’m constantly thinking exaggerated thoughts that there are so many scary possibilities. Am I alone in this or what? If so any suggestions on how to calm these thoughts