Well, can I tell you how I was diagnosed with OCD? It all started when the pandemic appeared, I remember I was very afraid of being infected by COVID, and I couldn't leave for ANYTHING, and my grandmother had to stay in the hospital because she had a worsening of the kidney disease at the same time, and I was so worried and so afraid of her getting Covid or dying from her illness, I couldn't sleep or eat anything, I was vomiting and crying for a couple of weeks, then when she got better, she came home, and then about a week then my mom had to get an x-ray, and I remember being obsessed with the fear that she had a serious illness like cancer or something, and I couldn't stop praying that God wouldn't let her sick. Then I started having different kinds of obsessive thoughts and intrusive thoughts, and all these thoughts made me very anxious. I was obsessed with: getting a disease, fear of my family members dying, being racist, fear of an accident and many intrusive thoughts. And then it all got worse when two of my best friends told me they could be bi, and I started getting obsessed with the thought "if my best friends are, I must be too", and that thought killed me, and my anxiety became worse than ever, and I hated it more than anything, my brain couldn't stop telling me that I was attracted to every girl I saw. I looked for a psychologist, but I couldn't tell her anything, it was impossible, I didn't stop crying and feeling very bad. And then I started having intrusive sexual thoughts about everybody, even my family and my best friends, and I started a new obsession about being in incest, ugh, it was horrible, I just wanted to be away from everyone, it made me sick. About a month later I had an intrusive thought about hurting my mom and it scared me, it made me really afraid and nervous, I couldn't stop crying and so I went to a psychoanalyst and I told him about this thought, he told me that it could be my anxiety and fear of losing my mother. But these thoughts didn't stop, they came stronger and more frequent, I didn't want to be alive with these thoughts, so I started having some suicidal thoughts, and those thoughts scared me too, and I was very scared of dying. So I went to a psychiatrist and she diagnosed OCD, and prescribed me some medications. Now I'm on ERP therapy and I'm getting better little by little. I still have a lot of intrusive thoughts and a lot of other themes, but this text would be too long if I explained everything, so that's how I was diagnosed with OCD, if you want to share your story with OCD, feel free to comment :)

Hi everyone! I’m feeling better today. I had a really bad flare yesterday, my husband really helped me calm down and fall asleep. However, if you have health OCD I feel like you probably shouldn’t read this post unless you are in a good head space. I do not have health OCD. So, I’ve been dealing with a lot of symptoms and health issues that have led me to alot of doctors visits, I have several different doctors that specialize in specific things and now go to an internal medicine doctor. My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disease, so I’m running alot of tests for several different autoimmune conditions. My OCD has been dormant for a while. I would still deal with it sometimes, but it was way easier to manage. I’m not medicated for OCD. However, I do use arthritis cream and was prescribed muscle relaxers, I have not yet taken the muscle relaxers. So I had a really bad OCD flare last night, specifically Relationship OCD. My husband has just seen parole and I’m super excited for him to come home, but my OCD was trying to convince me otherwise. I also have a new nephew that was born on the 22nd. So I am out of state and was watching my niece for my sister in law. A lot of exciting things happening at once. I’m assuming that triggered my OCD. But I’ve been swelling in my face and dealing with a little bit of body pain as well. Autoimmune diseases come in flares like OCD. I have done some research on autoimmune diseases so I can know what I need to do in order to keep it under control if that’s what I do get diagnosed with. I learned that some autoimmune diseases are linked to OCD, or can even cause OCD because of inflammation in the brain. & It gave me a glimmer of hope honestly. Could my OCD have started because of an autoimmune disease? Could I get better by treating it? My OCD didn’t kick start until I was about 19. I am now 23. I did have symptoms of OCD at 17 though, I went through a period of time where I was compulsively praying and in a cycle of intense anxiety. So I probably had it since I was 17, but I don’t know. My symptoms of autoimmune disease didn’t start until about a year ago, but it could’ve been longer. I couldn’t get rid of a UTI I had for MONTHS & didn’t know why. I had to see a urologist, I was 21 when I kept getting UTI’s. I had to get a procedure done, I had pus build up in my urethra that was almost completely blocking off my urethra. I do not know how the infection got that severe.. especially because I took antibiotic after antibiotic. I felt like I’d get better for a few days, then boom…UTI symptoms once again. So.. that could’ve been the start of autoimmune symptoms. With an autoimmune disease, your immune system is pretty trash. You don’t fight off infections or illness as easy as others. I remember how I’d get sick after everyone else in the house would get sick, but I’d get it so much worse and have the illness for much longer than everyone else. Surprisingly enough, I never got COVID. My whole family had it & I didn’t get it. Unless I did and just didn’t have symptoms. Anyways, I never thought I would say this.. but I hope I do have an autoimmune disease that caused OCD so that I can treat the autoimmune disease and keep my OCD dormant for as long as possible. I forgot what it was like to deal with OCD.. it was so bad lastnight, I remember feeling that type of anxiety and it’s the worst.. 💔 If you took the time to read, thank you! I seem like a charity case lol.. I never thought by 23 years old I’d be like this.

this is the most i will ever go into depth about my mental health, all in one post; all in one sitting. this will be draining. to start this off, yes, i have OCD—but i also have several other disorders as well. some of my diagnoses that will come to light in this have a strong correlation to comorbidity and so instead of this being a story simply about my OCD, i will cover all areas of my mental health. for readers, i want it to be clear; this is for me. i’m doing this to put my story out. i hope you find some interest in what i have to say, but in the end, my intentions are strictly to make my damage good. symptoms of my mental issues were present frequently in my childhood experience. for years i avoided any truth to how i thought or felt. thinking, feeling, acting—all 3 were never in cohesion. i had a very anti-social attitude towards life for most of my pubescent years. i got use to faking and manipulating to appear a certain way when i knew i was at risk of punishment; it allowed me to get away with a lot of immoral behaviors for a long time before i eventually was forced into counseling from a school fight i had initiated. i was roughly 14 at this time. counseling was my initial therapy for a while. i have since seen 5 therapists. i can’t say any of those therapists knew a single truth about me, really—with a mixture of pathological lying and a bad masking habit, I was stopping myself from getting any real treatment. i don’t know why, but for a long time i was content with this truth. a part of me never really felt the need to address it. my manipulative behaviors were often unintentional and not once had i sought a need to be callous, even when doing the things i was doing. with every new therapist, i had tuned my personality specifically to fit them—a concept that i don’t have a name for but now can dissect in immense detail. i would take parts of my personality and accentuate them to fit the attitudes and interests of particular people. in my head it was always about admiring the story. nobody was real; everyone was a character, everyone was a unique, self-manifested character. i just made my character with greater intents. i was a good listener, i think understanding that made me get more comfortable with my destructive and manipulative tendencies. when someone believes your listening, like really, actively listening—they’ll eventually tell you everything about themselves. now for a slight addressing of the obvious, i want it to be clear, i’m not describing ASPD—aka, the real life equivalence of sociopathy. i do think i show strong signs of it early on in my youth, and i bring these behaviors up because i think the issues that i do have developed from my anti-social behaviors—however, i was a child; i didn’t know the consequences of my behavior like i do now. if anything is needed to be said here, it’s best to address the following events like this: i understand now, i didn’t understand then. turning 15, i had started off 2023 in a relationship that meant a lot to me—a lot more to me than anything in my life leading up to this point. it’s best to address this now as well—i don’t feel a lot, but when i do, it’s usually irrationally intense and feels completely uncontrollable. at this time, i had gotten over a lot of my anti-social tendencies by now and have spent the last year improving myself after the things i had done began hurting the people i valued most. from a long list of lying, manipulating, preying, harassing, even stabbing people with whatever sharp thing was at my disposal—i had come a long way in creating a character that i actually liked. an important thing to keep in mind during this time was the early development of my OCD that had initially come in the form of suicidal ideation. most of the people in here i’m assuming are people that personally have OCD and understand that it’s not a disorder based in the stigmatized-lens of perfectionism but rather an irrational need for certainty. death quickly became my “ultimate form of certainty” in my teenage years as i turned to the concept like a comfort place—a hand on my shoulder saying “it’s okay, you can fuck up however you might, there’s always a way out.” i had not been truthful about that in therapy either, nor did the several medications prescribed in my lifetime ever do something of benefit to what my issues actually were. of course, i blame no one but myself for not benefiting from outside sources. skipping over a lot of meaningless detail—the gist of the year went like this: Jan-April relationship breaks up badly—in my irrational state, i attempted to take my life and was hospitalized, and eventually, institutionalized. i stayed there for 11 days. at the time the only diagnoses they could make of me was MDD and ASD with slight signs of generalized anxiety. May-August i get extremely medicated and start taking 150+ pills a month to maintain what at the time was being treated for bipolar and schizophrenia. i was too young to see my clinical record, and i assume they wouldn’t tell this to a minor, but it seems they believed whatever my issues really were—i was simply too young to get an accurate assessment. September-December the medication makes me completely apathetic and my loss of care for life brought back my irrational gimmicks and self-destructive tendencies. i, in a 4 month period, ruined every single relationship i had kept close to me. 2024. i was alone. i stopped taking my pills due to a loss of interest and excessive weight gaining but it made my intense emotions start to bite me again. this was the year my OCD had fully developed and by April, i was diagnosed after failing a risk-assessment. for a long period of time, i lived a meaningless, uneventful, isolated life. that year, i let my mental health take over all acts of my being. i got deep into philosophy, psychology, pathology, a lot of tv shows built around psychological dynamics—i was desperate to understand this parasite that seemed to destroy my life without any awareness. i never wanted it to take the years it did since i was initially that 13 year old boy, but i write this now with a simple truth—a truth i refused to let myself believe until recently. i can’t fix this. the more i feed into it, obsess over it—the more these issues are going to worsen. for years i wasted my days thinking i was trying everything i could and it just wasn’t working. i couldn’t accept the fact that i don’t control this, and despite being told that again and again—it never got through to me until i spent the last week not feeding into the OCD and emotional dysregulation, and for the first time, i didn’t find myself counting the seconds that passed me by. it might not mean that much for an outsider looking in, but since my OCD had fully developed—i would always be counting the seconds in the back of my head, not like 1231, 1232, 1233… but as a tick of a metronome that made me always aware of the time. the days where this wasn’t annoying, it was boring, which i ultimately hated more. i’m seeing a light i haven’t seen in years, and with it i keep reaching the same notion—i wish i didn’t waste so much of my life being miserable. i’m getting a psychological evaluation within the next month. i’ve been out of therapy for about a year now but i’m going in now looking to help myself. this is specifically for my emotional dysregulation. my current theories revolve around cluster B personality types, 1 of 4 including ASPD as i had mentioned earlier, albeit my bet is actually on BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder.) I crossed off Borderline for a long time because the symptoms list always felt too broad, but the more i understand the disorder—the more i feel connected to it. my theory comes from several factors—my rapidly changing self image, my impulsive/erratic behaviors, my irrational emotions, my long history of unconventional relationships, my fear of abandonment, my chronic emptiness, my history of self harm, etc. this is not confirmed however, and i wish to get an evaluation specifically for the disorder. getting a personality disorder diagnosed in a minor isn’t easy, but i’m doing it half for the certainty of just knowing—and half for potentionally getting a medication that can help me live a healthy-adjacent life. i never thought i would see a life free of obsession since being diagnosed with OCD. now i can enjoy the silence. thanks for reading. any commentary appreciated.

This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.