+18 only please Can I just talk to someone who deals with sexual OCD? Or someone who has a hard time dealing with sexual shame? Anyone?

You ever just feel like a complete bad person or that you've done something terribly wrong when you engage in something remotely sexual? Like thinking sexual thoughts or engaging with any acts just like everyone else would?

Also are you over the age of 18 like the post says?

@BigGip09 I have dealt with the shame and feeling guilt as well. It really sucks. It takes time to get over. I highly encourage when finding a partner who is supportive and understanding of OCD. It will make the process much easier.

@Jon w/ OCD Thanks. That helps. I've never had a partner before. I've only been in past hookups unfortunately. I'm not proud of that and I also don't like that being my first exposure to relationships at such a young age. That was the start of it. Then most of it was taken over by a porn addiction. And now I just don't have confidence in this area.

@BigGip09 That’s ok! Your pay doesn’t define you. I am always encourage those with OCD and mental Illness avoid pornography completely. Research suggested that it exacerbated mental illnesses. A fulfilling intimate relationship is completely possible for you. Don’t give up.

@Jon w/ OCD Your past*

@Jon w/ OCD I completely agree. I've been avoiding pornography for 5 months so far. I feel that cutting that out of my life has genuinely given me improvement. I knew it wasn't something I needed in life. But today, I think I had a slip because I saw something triggering arousal urges on Instagram and I ended up checking if I was attracted to it. I was, but then I couldn't get rid of the urges, so I tried to let them out with sexual acts, which ended up making me feel way worse than I did initially. I didn't use the material I see to get off but I did end up getting off only to get rid of the urges like I usually do. I didn't even think of what I saw until after. It's weird. I even doubt that a relationship is possible because I constantly see that nowadays, people don't date or get married but rather hookup and skip all of the things that makes a meaningful relationship. I know this isn't the majority of people, but it still feels magnified from what I've seen.

@BigGip09 I’m sorry. Set backs like this are totally normal. I’m not trained as a therapist, but what helped me when I had similar problems was to abstain completely from sexual activity, masturbation included. I was able to get my sense of self worth back and realize that I could control my urges and feelings. Just a thought

That's true. It does impact my self worth a whole lot. Since I also deal with real event OCD, it makes things even more difficult than I can imagine. I can't even be attracted to the opposite sex without feeling bad about it. Or feeling like I'm a pervert. I try to avoid all of those feelings but it ends up not being good for me

Does it get better?

@BigGip09 Talking about it helped tremendously. I mean, listen to my horrid thoughts: I struggled with thinking about being eaten in sexual ways like as in cannibalism or vore as they call it. I thought about it for yearssss. Like since I was five. I told my therapist of four years about these thoughts only a couple of months ago. It was a huge relief to tell her. Then I told my psychiatrist and he was the one who gave me a diagnoses of OCD. My life is so different now. The Prozac helps me not engage with thoughts as much. I stopped watching cannabalistic pornography to “check” if I was aroused. I realized it’s my ocd which means it’s not my actual fetish - which is huge for me. And I feel much better about myself. Still, it’s very hard to talk about it. I can share it here since it’s anonymous but even being able to share it here is a huge step. I know it will get better though because I already feel somewhat better and less ashamed. I hope I will eventually be at the point where I can engage in sexual intercourse without guilt and shame. My question for you is, have you told your therapist about your thoughts?

@Confused OCD You can talk to me also anytime about it

@Confused OCD Thank you very much. Did you see what I wrote below? If you could respond to it that would be helpful

@BigGip09 No! I don’t see it - can you write it again? So weird that I don’t see it!

@Confused OCD Here's what I wrote: Well... I've seen a lot of messed up things on pornography sites that I wish I could take back and what you're talking about is one of them. I struggle with living with the fact that I had an addiction and I don't like that I've been through it all. I also don't like how it made me stunt my growth in sexual things. I don't have a therapist. I don't know when I'll even be able to try one out. I do know that I just need someone to talk to about sexual feelings. I know that I don't want porn in my life, but I constantly worry if I'm a sex addict, pervert, or a deviant. The same words flow through my head. I also go through real events and POCD. I never had the talk about sex. Schools have never taught me neither. The only amount of knowledge I've had was with hookups and pornography. I've never been in a relationship that had any meaning before. I don't know what it's like to be positive about sexual feelings. I feel horrible where I masturbate and today i actually fell into the checking compulsion while knowing how bad it is. me about all of this is the shame. I feel never ending shame over my porn addiction, my sexual experiences many years ago. I just never feel confident about this topic because I don't talk to it with anyone. Anyone at all. I just don't know what to do. I want it to be possible to live a life where I can practice safe sex without judging myself, feeling bad, or being ashamed I guess. I feel like all kinds of attractions are bad because l automatically link that with pornography. I feel bad about feeling attraction too. For all of the things I just wrote, do you think I'm better off just controlling all of my possible urges until they go away completely? If not then what do I do?

Well, maybe I wasn't clear about the past hookups thing. It was more like cybersex, or phone sex. Whatever term fits better I guess. It just had to do with pictures and sexting and calling, but I guess that's something most people do. I just don't like the fact that I've done any of these things and I don't know why. Maybe it's because they don't align with my motives now compared to years ago? Maybe. But you're right, I'm always hard on myself. It's something I've called myself out on but still struggle with. I agree with the last part too. I don't think the pornography people watch means anything about them, although addictions do fucking suck and I feel bad for anyone going through any kind. I don't like that I was addicted and I really don't like the things I remember seeing. At the same time I just want to be able to let it go somehow.

@BigGip09 No you were plenty clear I still see nothing abnormal about that. I won’t go into the details of my sexual experiences, but they were much more intense than all of that! You’re a human being, like really who the fuck cares! I’m a therapist and literally have clients that feel like they are not “sexual enough” and are ashamed of it and would be really happy to have done the things you have. You are beating yourself up for being a human being. And yes addiction is an awful illness and it has nothing to do with sex it’s all about the trauma and pain understand.

@Maybe,MaybeNot Underneath*

@Maybe,MaybeNot You're a therapist? Oh it's very nice to meet one! I had no idea! That really does make me happy to hear. I guess you get the kind of talk I'm giving you all the time then. You mentioned that there is trauma and pain underneath, which there is. I know where it stems from and I have the memories of where it began, but I don't want to go into detail about it. I just want to know how I can possibly just stop beating myself up over things that other people have done and have no problem with. Granted, I know people that have the same themes and stories I do in relation to OCD, but still. I just want to be able to be confident in myself and not feel bad, judge myself, or have my inner voice call me a nasty pervert deviant pedo. Or something like that, I don't know. I'm also afraid that I will be addicted again if I keep trying so that's another reason why I want to put all those feelings away.