It’s been difficult to make the active choice not to ruminate, because it feels as though I am letting myself off the hook for something I am not allowed to let myself off the hook for, which creates guilt, and then fear that the guilt will never go away unless I confess. But whenever the thought comes up, I keep choosing to let it go again, even if I started ruminating for a few seconds. There are times where it gets easier and I get a break from the thought. It sucks so much, and is very hard work, but I am choosing to do this every day until I am in recovery. I will do this every day even if the thought never goes away because I am never willing to give up trying to get my life back.