Trigger warnings/ mentions of suicide and self harm. My internet friend who self harms and is suicidal today told me she cried for 30 minutes. She then told me that she have too much on her mind including suicide. I'm also so scared and worried and I don't know what to do...😭

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

17f Basically I made a post about POCD, saying that one phrase people often say as a reassurance is not true and it never helps me because I know it's not true. At the beginning of the post I made a warning, saying that this will be triggering for those with POCD. So I warned. And then in the comments someone started seeking reassurance and freaking out. And she said stuff that are not true again, at first I argued a bit cause well... I made a post and I wanted to defend my position, so I defended what I said. Like what I needed to do? Lie to her? Now i think that I should've just ignored that user But then after we talked she said that because of my post she now thinks she is a pedophile and will off herself and then spammed me with comments asking for reassurance At first I was trying to calm her down, saying that if her psychiatrist said that she has POCD then she is not a P and stuff, but then I just realized I can't do anything so I just replied to every one of her comments "I'm not a therapist. I can't help you. You need to seek professional help and shouldn't rely on the opinion of the strangers on the internet" Now I feel so guilty. I mean she was the one to start asking questions, and sometimes when I argue I feel too passionate to defend my position in the argument and forget about people's feelings so I said a very harsh truth to her after she started arguing with me and I made it worse for her Even though I knew how suicidal you can feel because of POCD I still argued

About 2 months ago, I sliced my arm so deep in an attempt to make this all go away.. as there was blood spurting like everywhere my life flashed before my eyes and I could hear my parents laughing in the room beside me. I started screaming for help as my eyes flooded with tears. How could their little girl do that to herself?? I was able to get to the ER and have my arm stitched up.. making my attempt a fail. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to do something like that again. I’ve never seen my parents cry except for then. The fear in their eyes haunts me up to this day. But that’s the only thing that relieves my pain. Can someone help or relate to this ???