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ocd, in my understanding, is common to cause dissociation/derealization which can make reality feel different and amplify fears that theyve lost touch or gone "crazy". ive heard dissociation can even be a compulsion. also, concern about experiencing psychosis or schizophrenia is not an unheard of obsession. but i can say, doubting whether your experience of reality is accurate or not is a painful pit of despair. but the fear comes and goes like the wind if we let it pass through us. this what im working in but its really difficult
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Does this also mean like doing something you don’t want to do? Or feeling like your actions aren’t your own?
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like you feel like you want to do something, you do it, and then wonder why you did it because it wasn’t right? Idk if that makes sense
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@Plaisie i actually have this same question. ive had urges to do wrong things, and i didnt want to do them, but the thought (which in this case was about doing drugs) would not leave me and i didnt know about ocd. i knew about intrusive thoughts, but not that much. my therapist at the time didnt catch that i had ocd and tried to convince me i wasnt addicted. he didnt understand the intensity of the urge and dismissed it as a baseless anxiety. so it didnt help. i would start thinking that maybe if i tried a drug my urge would go away-- thats how addiction works right? (thats what i thought)-- even though it gave me really intense anxiety and was counter intuitive. i was desperate, the thought was excruciating and the only action that my body was telling me i could do (if i was indeed an addict) was take the drug. it confuses me because they say in ocd you are afraid of doing things but wouldnt actually do them. and then i did do it (all the while physically trembling with anxiety and selfloathing, heart racing, muggy palms, not enjoying the drug one little bit) and yet i acted on it. i was, in an odd tangle of obsession and compulsion, doing a drug so that i would stop feeling like i needed to do a drug. but it didnt work longterm and the thoughts returned after awhile. ive been afraid to tell anyone but now understanding ocd i know the urge was not because im an addict, and i feel comfortable bringing it up with a doctor (i have since switched therapists). thats my little story. hopefully you will feel that you arent the only one. ❤️
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@Manz Ohhhhhhhh…..I had that the other day where I felt like I was trying to find underage pornography on YouTube. Obviously I didn’t find any but it just felt wrong the whole time, like I hated doing it but was tired of hearing my thoughts
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@Manz And I honestly am so glad that I never found anything bad or didn’t hurt anyone…ocd is nuts
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@Plaisie i have had that urge too. [trigger warning]. its terrifying. for me it has been further complicated by the fact that looking at anything that could be remotely wrong (even cartoon depictions of women in a deragatory way) i thought my physical anxiety was arousal. i actually discovered ocd because i was googling trying to see how i could be aroused by something that repulsed me and made me feel bad and didnt align with any of my values, or real life relationships and attractions, or any of the other things i was doing in my life. when i found out how anxiety can be mistaken for arousal (i thought i got aroused doing the drugs too) i somehow found my way to a moral scrupulosity ocd website and couldnt believe how much i related. i told my psychiatrist about ocd and she agreed. since then the urge hasnt been nearly as strong and i feel more confident because i know im not addicted, im not attracted to those things, and anxiety is not arousal. thats given me tremendous hope. ive been very suicidal in the past because id rather die than harm anyone. but i never could talk about it because i thought no one would help me. now im so hopeful. stay away from porn if you can, and let your doc help you see that the urges are not you and they will go away without you having to give them any attention. i have yet to see an erp doc, but have been able to implement some ideas already and resist drugs and porn. its helped in other less prominent obsessions, but everything in my life seems to have been shaped by ocd so its going to take time. im in perpetual doubt and fear about most things in all areas of my life. it sucks
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