Holy Moly! As if unlocking a new theme, real event ocd, wasn’t hard enough, my body decided that today is the day to have a side effect from changing medication…anxiety 👍🥲. I am currently in my room trying to keep myself calm but good lord it isn’t working very well. As a few people on here have probably heard from me recently, I am struggling with some bad choices I made in the past (some in the recent past). For the life of me I can’t stop asking myself why I did that repeatedly. It wasn’t a mistake I made once and moved on. I don’t think I thought it was a big deal at the time ( which also concerns me because why would it not be a big deal back then). Plus some people mentioned the topic in question in their posts the last few days which has just sent even more alarms off in my head. Gosh I would do anything to go back and stop myself. More than anything I wish there was something I could do to make up for it. I am so scared it means something bad about me. I feel like such a horrible, sick person. Medication changes and new obsessions are such a horrible combination.

eventually the hopeful change might happen anyway :)

Thanks!

@Have a sunflower🌻 Yeah, I've struggled with that same feeling of "why did I do this specific action repeatedly for so long, now I just feel guilt about it". But over time it has gotten better and it no longer bothers me as bad as it once did, and I'm so glad that I no longer live in that unecessary guilt day by day. We all make mistakes though, even continuing to make that same mistake for months or sometimes years at a time, but the important thing is that we learn from them and that we maybe even start seeing things in a different light over time. But even if there is something you feel that you've done that is "wrong", even if just in your own eyes, living in guilt and shame over it won't solve anything. Look to the future of what you want to start doing now because of what you feel that you have learned from past experiences. The past is in the past, but the future isn't written, but with that being said it doesn't mean we might not slip up again at some point along the way, we just have to keep trying our best, and by doing that we'll already be making progress. Don't give up friend. You've got this. I hope and pray that your journey down this path of taking your new medication and dealing with this new theme in your OCD will go as good as it possibly can, and I pray that your anxiety will soon start to subside and that you'll find peace through all of this. God bless Have a sunflower! I hope you have a great night friend! :)

@Have a sunflower🌻 You're not annoying me at all Have a sunflower, I was afraid I was annoying you with all of my talk to you about Christianity in one of my other replies. It can be really difficult to move forward from things in our past sometimes, but all we can do is take it one day at a time, just keep having hope. Stay strong friend! :) I hope talking to your therapist helps you today friend! I'm glad we can all do our best to help you in your time that you are struggling. We will continue to be here you every step of the way! :) don't be afraid to reach out on here anytime friend! I may not always reply right away, but I'm doing the best that I can right now. Life has been kind of busy recently, lol. Have a great rest of your day friend! God bless! 😀

@Have a sunflower🌻 We will continue to be here for you every step of the way!*

@Drew777 Thank you! Please remember to take time for yourself. You help so much here but I don’t want you to feel obligated to continually come on here and help others and leave you no time for yourself. This is just my opinion, but people with ocd struggle with responsibility and I don’t want you to feel responsible for people on here and feel like you can’t take a step back when you need it. I hope life has been busy in a good way but if it hasn’t you are strong and will get through it!

@Have a sunflower🌻 Yeah, I've been trying to work on taking more time for myself. And I actually have been getting on this app a lot less than I used to, yesterday I just had some free time on my hands because I was in the waiting room at the hospital, so I just felt like it was a good time to get on this app yesterday. And yeah, I do struggle with feeling the need to take responsibility for everyone around me, but I'm working on that too. :) I'm learning to take a step back sometimes, but it's a struggle at times. And yeah, life hasn't necessarily been busy in a good or bad way, it's just been busy with work mostly, but nothing "bad" particularly, except my OCD keeping my mind busy I guess, lol. But that's always a work in progress for all of us. But you know, it's just cool to me being able to keep up with people on here, I like get on this app and just see how my friends are doing every day, even if just for a little bit. I believe we'll all get through this, we just can't give up. :)

@Drew777 I hope I didn’t make you feel like you have to justify the time spent on here! If I did, my apologies! I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to be on here even when life gets overwhelming. Im glad you are finding a good balance with taking care of yourself and others! Again, sorry if I came off patronizing at all 😬.

@Have a sunflower🌻 Oh no! 😮 You didn't come off patronizing in the slightest friend! I didn't feel like I had to justify myself for my time spent on here, I just started rambling about all of it, which I tend to do, lol. I'm not always the greatest at finding time to take care of myself, but at the same time I feel like I take too much time for myself... I realize that is extremely contradicting... but it's just how I feel sometimes. I hope at least that makes some sense.

@Drew777 That absolutely makes sense! It’s easy to feel guilty for doing something for yourself. I feel guilty for practically everything at this point 😬