Someone came to our house insisting that his phone is here. He insisted a galaxy phone? Then he heard an iphone ringtone then insisted thats his phone. We told him that we don’t have it. We asked everyone in the house if someone picked up a phone, which no one did, and I doubt we would pick up a galaxy phone since we are not the type of people who steal. He came came close to my window. He keeps insiting to give his phone back. He was probably doing drugs and my brain just told me I also got affected by drugs. It triggered a panic attack and now I can’t calm down bc he was so close to me. I literally cannot process my brain and I probably got traumatized by the whole entire thing. I don’t know how to calm down. :(

I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.

I was scrolling on here and now I’m having a panic attack. Someone posted resources and one of them was a NOCD article and I thought that was so great. I clicked on it because I like learning about this disorder and I love NOCD’s resources. But I read that one of the compulsions for pocd is watching cp? I thought that wasn’t a thing with POCD. I literally cannot breathe because I feel like this thing is now possible and I cant calm down. That was the first time I’ve ever seen that stated as a compulsion. I feel like I’m dying. What triggered my spiral in the first place was months ago someone contacted me and told me they watched it but claimed OCD and I felt absolutely horrified. I deleted my account and removed that person entirely. I am freaking out so bad I really can’t seem to breathe right now

I don't know what to do anymore, the fear of psychosis and schizophrenia is so bad in so hyper aware of everything I hear and everything I see, I've always had eye floaters now I convince myself that it's really me hallucinating, I've always had tinnitus but now I'm convinced it means I'm going to go crazy soon, I can't sit in quiet because all I'm focusing on is what I'm hearing, and searching for any sounds I can't distinguish, when there's background noise I get so anxious if I think I heard something but im not sure I did or I'm just anxious, I'm terrified I'll start having delusions and sometimes my brain confuses some sounds for other sounds for example say I'm hyper focused and I breathe and my nose makes a whistling sound my mind interprets it as a scream and I freak out thinking I'm hallucinating only to focus closer and realize it's my own breathing, earlier I was so anxious that I couldnt tell if I had an intrusive thought or heard something, I don't know how to make it stop, I've been through this theme before I just forgot how hard it was I'm having a panic attack please help