I might be a bad guy and i have to just accept that it is a possibility as with all my other worries and fears.

That takes guts dude

You know it really is saying to OCD or whatever is giving you this internal grief. I dont care you anymore and i am who i am.

Yeah i noticed that. I kind of feel like im at that point where i have done it all. And it is like i know what i need to do but i just start the cycle over again.