I’m not doing well, it feels so real. Every time I have a revelation of feeling better everything gets bad again. Also tried to watch a scary movie and turned out to be a big trigger. I’m so tired and disappointed in myself.

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

Last week was a lot easier for me. I felt like thoughts didn’t control me and my actions as much as they did earlier. Today was really hard for me and I feel like I’m starting to lose hope again:( I can’t take the thoughts and the feelings that come with them anymore. I feel like I have failed and I’m never going to be happy again.

I’m stuck in a loop, I can’t stop avoiding the thoughts by watching tik tok, I’m paralyzed on the couch, I’m searching for clues everywhere that something bad is happening I don’t know how to go on like this anymore my fears are so strong so present they feel so real. Any mention of the future sends my whole body into panic. My arms go numb, I can’t keep living like this i feel like I’m going crazy