Hey I'm going to give a major warning because this post is going to contain content about sexual abuse and POCD Hey guys so I was wondering if anyone else was sexually abused as a kid and then carries it over into adulthood in a pocd form. I'm a single mom of two kids and I don't doubt my capabilities from restraining myself from my kids because they are my babies I love them so much. But I have this intense fear that I will be the reason that they go through what I did as a kid and sometimes my dreams become sexual towards my children and then I wake up freaked out at myself and I realized that instead of keeping myself far away from them as possible I think that putting myself around them more and hugging them and giving them love more often has been helping alot to keep me from thinking I'm some kind of monster. This is super weird for me because my oldest is only 3 so this is the first year I've been able to finally keep my thoughts away from me enough to only have very minimal break downs...I cried earlier and decided to just sit there and hold my 2 year old who kept telling me she loves me. This is so hard to combat and I think it's because my worst fear is to be the person to harm my children in the same way I was harmed which was by my brother. Idk guys sorry for rambling I just really needed to share this with other people who understand how scary it is to have a dream regarding your children related to pocd and you wake up thinking you're some kind of monster. Thanks for listening guys

Tulipwood

Date posted: 4y

OCD always targets what we cherish most and revolves around what we would most hate to be.

sierrapanda

Date posted: 4y

It's so hard and the major thing I've realized is that right now I'm separated and going through a divorce. We are in separate households and just still going through the legal process because it takes a while. And I thought about how hard it's going to be for me to find someone who will understand me and my mental state. I have to be with someone I can trust and tell about these kinds of things because this isn't something easy to talk about like honestly I can talk about my trauma easier than I can talk about my intrusive thoughts. Especially because my ex said he was gonna use it against me in court it makes me feel like I'm insane

Tulipwood

Date posted: 4y

@sierrapanda You seem to be doing a good job you know :) and explaining your intrusive thoughts to someone else may seem hard because inside of you there is anxiety towards the thoughts, but someone who loves you should be able to see easily how the thoughts have nothing to do with you and that you are only a victim of a disorder that you'll hopefully overcome soon.

sierrapanda

Date posted: 4y

@Tulipwood Thanks ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@sierrapanda Hi. For me I had a cousin that would come over to play but she was also a girl and she would make us kiss and touch us. So I was never sure if it was abuse. I also have intrusive thoughts towards my daughter my mind switches and says did I see someone doing something to her or did I see myself? And that scares me so much. I know I’ll never do anything to her but just that thought makes me so anxious and disgusted. And intrusive thoughts can also be dreams

sierrapanda

Date posted: 4y

I'm so glad this platform exists because I thought I was crazy ❤️ we got this

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@sierrapanda Same here. Mine just started like a month ago my daughter is 5 it’s been so hard because I love to cuddle with her and kiss her and it’s been harder but I still do it. This won’t keep my from being the mother I want to be 💗

sierrapanda

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous I swear yelling at my ocd helps I kinda look at it like it's the monster messing with me and I go stfu and go on somewhere! And then I feel more in control again.

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