I cant stop missing this girl that I cant be. I wonder if she thinks and feels the same. Yet i have HOCD because of the trauma from her and I which makes no sense. I hope she's okay

You have HOCD as well? I messaged my therapist just now as well because if I text this girl i could get myself in big trouble and im trying to ask myself why do I want to message her? I even try to feel like her and "act" like her i guess to keep her close to me even though shes not here. I don't want to feel like a girl at all because im a man but i know its because I miss this girl and it was pretty traumatic how things went.