If ur feeling worthless and down listen to priceless by king and country. Its a really good song!!

I wanted to share with you guys some of the things that have helped me in the past few weeks! If you’re open to it, maybe try a few and see how you feel! First I would really recommend leaning on God. If you’re not a believer you may be skeptical but if you’ve never tried to read the Bible, prayer or even just talking with God, I would recommend so much! My relationship with God has gotten so much better through this terrible illness and in turn I have noticed a lot of positivity, I feel substantially better since I’ve been trying to bring this to God instead of worry about it myself. If you can give your worries to God and learn to have faith that he is with you, loves and forgives you. You have a great step towards recovery and even just a more positive life. Next, try going outside! I know it sounds kinda dumb but I mean it! Some of my best days started with just going outside, reading a book and or listening to music. I went out and tanned, ate some fruit with some lemonade and read “Girl Wash Your Face” it was a great book! I would spend HOURS and it helped me so much! Take a walk, hike, etc.! This leads into the next thing…READING! I recently bought the new book “don’t believe everything you think” and the workbook and it is amazing! This also applies to reading your Bible and other books, specially ones targeting self help and things like that! Another thing is fitness! Try out the gym, I know there is days that you just can’t bring yourself to get up but in those days, make yourself go to the gym! Even if you just go walk on the treadmill or bike! Anything is better than nothing! Keep yourself active, I promise it will make you feel better! Find a good podcast! I have been listening to (The OCD Stories on Spotify), sometimes I’ve even listened while I was going to sleep and let it play through the night! Go on YouTube and follow Chrissie Hodges, NOCD and look for other people who help! Go on instagram and follow Chrissie Hodges, NOCD, iocdf, sincerelyocd, recoverocd, letstalk.ocd, my lovely ocd and there are so many more! Find good music! Again I’m going to bring up worship music some of my favs being ( I Thank God, Move of God, Hard fought Hallelujah, The Truth, Made for more, Thy Will, and there is so many more!) if you would like I can share my playlist! But overall music is so helpful and if you are not a believer or want something different I would recommend songs by Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Kesha, Rihanna, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, even Billy Joel, Queen, Beck, and things of that nature that are gonna get you PUMPED UP! Lastly, hang out with PEOPLE! Don’t let OCD rule your life, put your ocd in a box best you can and go live your life! Get lunch with a friend, join a bible study, go get a massage, even just meet up with a friend and talk in a parking lot while shoving your face with fast food! You NEED interaction as much as you don’t want to! I know some of these are hard, some is triggering or you’re nervous that you’re gonna spiral, but step out of your comfort zone! That’s the way to get better! Do things that make you feel uncomfortable, the things that are unknown, the things you used to do before this! You can still live and love your life you don’t have to keep just “surviving”! And this isn’t a fix all, trust me I still have my days where I’m like nope I’m staying in bed and crying, but you need to push yourself! No one is coming to hold your hand and walk you out of this, you have to want to help yourself too! And you can do that! I know it’s scary and uncomfortable but you got this! We’re gonna kick some OCD butt! I hope you find this helpful and I wish you the most luck! Comment if you have questions and whatnot! 🫶

I started writing this last night, but regrettably deleted it. I fell back in that mindset that maybe what I'm healing with-(see what I did there) isn't that big of a deal, and what's the point. I'm not sure if anyone will stay until the end of my note, but in some ways I find relief in that. I'm 22 years old and this MIGHT be the first time I've felt like I'm truly stepping out. I want to talk about 3 things, and they may at first appear questionable, random and confusing but if you stay it will all come together. 1) Regret 2) Envy and bitterness 3) A change. Starting with 1 regret. My regrets go far and wide, but when they do make an appearance in my life they rush in like flood. Every decision I've made whether good or bad seems to cloud my judgement and I can't think straight. I'm on carousel living my life in a constant what-if state. I've started writing back in 2017, and I was writing everything; stories, songs, poems, you name it. My regret is that maybe if I would've taken it more seriously, pushed myself a little harder, started small that maybe it could've sky rocketed me and my family. My mom always told me that that greatest singers like Beyonce, Aretha Franklin, etc. (I can't remember) started singing in the church, and she encouraged me that was where I needed to start. But I didn't listen, and dropped it entirely. I was young, and impatient. I still write to this day, but I absolutely dream of making music videos, and acting on a TV show or movie. There is a time and place for everything, so maybe it wasn't my time to find out that this is what I really enjoy. I still have a hard time grabbing the reigns of regret, but I know it doesn't control me I control what it does to me. 2) Envy and bitterness- boy oh boy where do I even begin? There is something interesting in my life that happens quite often, and maybe to others but it happens to me. Let's say for example I was the first person to discover an orange. Rarely anybody else or a few people know what an orange is, but I KNOW what an orange is. Let's say about a few months past and now EVERYBODY has an orange, and it lost its oranginess. I'm going somewhere with this I promise. When I start to do something, or discover something it doesn't take long for me to start seeing it everywhere- this correlates to 3. When I lost my virginity for the rest time almost 2 years ago, the idea of starting a family or being pregnant never peeked my interest before. But then like a tidal wave or a butterfly affect one after another over and over again I saw people getting pregnant, starting families with their boyfriend and girlfriends (which by the way I don't judge people who do, but me personally I need to be married). It started slowly, but soon everyone everywhere was getting pregnant, and having babies. I've never seen anything like that before I had sex, and it felt as if the world was rubbing it in my face and mocking me. Overtime I became bitter and envious on the inside. I quickly scrolled, looked away or zoned out anytime anyone talked about being pregnant or giving birth. My heart was turning ice cold every day by this, and when my own shame and regret about having sex outside of marriage kicked in it was game over. I began to project my own mistakes into their lives, and if they were struggling whether through financially, or their relationship I wouldn't feel bad because I was like they knew what they were doing, they knew the outcome and did it anyways. I couldn't be genuinely happy for them or anyone because I couldn't let go of the feeling that it was supposed to be me. And everything else was just a mix of the regret that I felt about having sex, and me feeling like it wasn't popular or common until I started. I want to teach my future children good morals, love, respect and I know that when I have kids that my life is in a way over because now my attention and full-time is raising this kid to be a good person that was why I felt like I couldn't be happy and it should've been me. But I know better now, I think better, and I'm getting better. I pray to God to lift it from my heart, and I feel awful about some of things that I thought- I never ever wished death on anybody but they weren't friendly thoughts either. I judged, and became awfully bitter but I want to move on and let that go. Sorry I rambled at the end there, lastly 3, goodness gracious buckle up please. I'm sure most of you know who BTS is the Kpop group, and remember how I said in 2 how when I find or discover something it feels like it becomes popular so quickly yea.. BIGG yea. I found BTS in 2016 when they came out with their WINGS album. I became engulfed and it was a whole other world for me. I watched everything Kpop not just them, but compilation clips, live shows, edits, MM Countdown everything! I knew they had a name for the youngest and oldest person in their group, I knew inside jokes, personal stories I felt like I knew it all. I don't like hardcore rap music, or what everyone else might listen to I felt that I had found my group, my band, my second close private family. That even though we might've never met I swear we knew everything about each other. They knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them. And then when they started collaborating with American artist I couldn't stand it at all, and it was even worse when they collaborated with Nicki Minaj. The same people who I didn't want to listen were the main ones they were collaborating with. I'm not trying to sound uptight but BTS, BlackPink, Twice they all sung and were about two separate things. No offense but Nicki Minaj, Meghan, Latto and Glorilla all in some only produce music about sex. The message are two different things and I just think more and higher for them, to not lower themselves to that. It felt alot easier to meet BTS, only issue was the distant but now it's nearly impossible. I would do anything to meet them, and just tell them that I know them. And all of that what I said goes to all of them not just BTS, Twice and BlackPink included. Their lyrics, their message has changed in some way to me personally and the only good thing that I FEEL is the women they do collaborate with don't do a whole lot of cussing. That's it. If you made it this far how do you feel lol? I am working on myself daily, praying for those who I have become bitter towards because I don't need and can't afford to miss my blessing over roots the enemy placed in my heart. And I'm always gonna love BTS, I miss them. I miss seeing their faces, hearing their voice I just can't bring myself to look them up now. Thank you for staying if you did. God Bless you, and keep you. I love you all. *hearts*

Trying to figure out if it’s ocd telling me not to listen to country music or God.