Any tips for starting a relationship when you keep finding yourself picking apart every single thing about them? Every hobby, everything they've mentioned, their looks, their personality, everything?

A little over a year ago I ended a 10-year relationship. I found out that he had been lying the whole time and was an alcoholic and avid drug user. Since then, I unexpectedly met and started dating a great guy, but my relationship OCD and trust issues are going to ruin it. He’s given me no reason not to trust him and has reassured me plenty of times that I didn’t deserve what I went through and that it had nothing to do with me. So why do I continue to make snide remarks about his “other girlfriends” and what not… He’s also divorced and has his own problems to work through, so I feel bad adding more to his plate. I know that I’m imagining the worst case scenarios in my head to try and “prepare” myself for things that could happen, but I’m going to lose him because I can’t get out of my head. I’m so afraid of missing something like I did with my ex that I pick everything apart. Every story detail, every inconsistency, heck I even convinced myself he was cheating because he deep cleaned his house on his day off… Advice on starting a new relationship without carrying over the trauma of your old one?

Okay, just wanna start by saying that I don’t have ROCD. I have perfectionism OCD, and I get intrusive thoughts that no one will like me, I’ll lose all my friends, I’ll be alone for life, etc. if I don’t have things “just right.” I feel like every time I like someone, my OCD just gets worse cause if I don’t perform compulsions, I feel like I have no chance with him. Your handwriting wasn’t smooth? Guess your love life won’t be either. The volume of your phone was too low? Guess your chances with him are too. Failed to draw your graph perfectly symmetrical? Guess what else you’ll fail at. It’s honestly exhausting, and that it isn’t even it. I feel like I tend to fixate on my crushes also. I wanna be 100% sure they’re a good fit before making a move, and that’s really problematic cause there’s just no way to know. And even if I deem that they’re a good guy, I STILL won’t do anything cause I always expect the worst! What if the first impression that I make is so bad that he wants nothing to do with me? I put so much pressure on myself to get him to like me back that I’m terrified to make a move. I’m so focused on the prospect of a second convo that I don’t even want to have the first convo! Like rn, there’s this dude that caught my eye. He’s a senior in high school, while I’m a junior. I’m taking AP bio, and he’s taking AP chem—both are 1.5 periods, so I see him in the cafe and during the passing period (we leave the cafe halfway through the lunch period). I purposely plant myself next to him in the halls during the passing period but haven’t worked up the courage to talk to him. He’s single, I don’t have any classes with him this year, he’ll be at college next year, we follow each other on instagram, and my friends have told me that he’s nice (and keeps to himself), so there’s minimal risk in trying to talk to him. Thing is though, every time I think about introducing myself, I just imagine all the ways that it can go wrong. What if he hates me? What if my first impression is actually good and we become friends, but he doesn’t like me back? What if I tell him I like him over messages, and he screenshots my text and posts it on his instagram story? I don’t know what to do. I know that high school is kinda early and that I still have time to figure things out. I’m just worried that I still won’t have things figured out when I need to. Any advice or personal experience would be welcome and greatly appreciated!

I just need to get this off my chest but I feel like every time I develop romantic feelings for someone, it’s never genuine, it’s never love, it’s a placement of feelings and what I ideally want out of a romantic relationship onto a single person and it’s just not fair to them. It’s an obsession, obsession with an idea of someone and not for what they truly are. Picking out traits that I like and value in a partner, picking apart a person like they aren’t real. It’s just not healthy. I want to be able to love and be loved. I know that this person will never feel the same and it is not their fault, but I’m still hurt over this idea of them that I’ve built in my head. I’ve constructed a false persona for this person just because they embody something that I am seeking, and to be honest, I can’t tell if that’s a friend or just someone to give me the time of day because I’m so desperate to be heard and seen, I want attention, to be wanted even if it means being used or just given a moment to be in their presence. I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship, I feel like I am clouded by delusion, I feel crazy. Maybe that’s simply because I just am not emotionally stable enough to engage in a meaningful relationship to any degree. There was this person that I took a liking to and saw as a potential someone to become a large part of my life, but they don’t think anything of me, so for the long periods of time that I received nothing but radio silence, I was left with alone with my thoughts and holding onto whatever sliver of hope that they might feel the same. None of it is real. I want to feel normal and not get so emotional over every relationship I ever form, especially those that come with romantic feelings. I don’t know how to overcome this, all I can think about is them. Do I just confess my feelings and get it over with? Face the rejection so I can move on? Or just be left wondering and seeing out how this relationship progresses…even if that risks fading into absolute nothingness and never interacting again? I’m just so caught up in my head over someone who will never ever think twice about me. Sometimes I feel they may hate me even and just be responding with kindness out of courtesy and the fact that they are just a genuinely good person. I have no hard feelings towards them, they’ve done nothing wrong. I just can’t help but be mad at myself for feeling this way, allowing myself to fall into this again. It happens every time I get close. Do you think I’m being crazy or is it normal? I don’t even know what I wanted out of this relationship, maybe relationships aren’t something written for me. Do you think I’ll ever be able to get to a point where I can develop a healthy, non-obsessive, truly meaningful relationship? Any advice??