Any tips on getting over the urge to find someone with the exact same ocd theme/experience as you? I’ve really struggled with this recent flare up as my fear doesn’t really fit within the parameters of one theme like it has in the past - it’s a combination of fear of being aromantic, sexual orientation fears, doubting if I actually want a relationship, if I’m capable of romantic love, obsessing over my attachment style - all related to the overarching fear that I’ll never be able to be happy in a relationship and will be single forever (right now my mind is whispering, maybe you would be better single forever!). But I keep searching for reassurance it’s ROCD but I’ve never been in a proper relationship so struggle to relate. Don’t want reassurance - just tips for exposures and acceptance of uncertainty.

I did see a great therapist for a course of cbt about a year ago but she mostly told me to go for in-vivo exposures - the idea is to live my life and bring ocd for the ride and if I come across triggers treat them as an exposure exercise. This worked for my last theme but not so well for this one.

@Soph i guess different approaches may work more more specific themes! so would you say your core fear is never finding love and being alone?

@garden or ‘having’ more than ‘finding’

@garden I think so. With homosexual ocd I think deep down I could always fall back on my attraction to men and that made me motivated to recover and I gained clarity the more recovered I became. However now I’m so tied up in this fear of being aromantic I truly truly don’t know the answer and am terrified I’m in denial and that this isn’t an ocd problem. I’m almost making myself sick with worry as it feels very real and undeniable

@Soph I honestly have no clue what my sexuality is. I feel sure of myself one minute and then I question myself the next minute. I’ve gone years not questioning myself, and spent years questioning. I have only been with men but I find women attractive. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come to a conclusion. So I decided to just accept the uncertainty. It freed me so much. Just accepting that I will never get a 100% for sure answer

@Soph I’ve thought maybe I’m asexual too but I do enjoy sex once it begins so i gave up on trying to figure myself out

@Anon1294 I feel like I can’t live life until I figure myself out. Feel like I’ll never have a relationship because of ocd so I’d have to rethink my whole life. I’m so tired of this. Recovered from ocd only for a new theme to debilitate me.

@Soph I thought the same thing for a very long time but I went on to date and sleep with quite a few guys 😅 no matter how much reassurance you give OCD, it is never satisfied. Do not let it stop you from living your life. Push through those scary situations and experience life no matter what

@Soph and remember that you can live life whilst letting things be uncertain. your ocd is just telling you you can’t

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