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I'm so touched by your story. Don't loose hope. Never, ever. Tell yourself that one day, it will all be forgoten. Even if it's hard. Endure and stay patient. Do things you love or that makes you feel better. Do not only focus on negative things. Try to spot positive things in your life and be proud of that. Stay strong. Don't give up.

I have been there. If I'm honest, there are days when I am still there. OCD is tough, but you are tougher and stronger. Recovery takes time and hard work, but its possible. ERP is not fun or easy, but it works. If you haven't already, I highly recommend getting a therapist that understands OCD and specializes in ERP. It will change your life.