False memories and POCD. I was left alone with my friends baby the other day for literally a couple of minutes and I was tickling her belly and she was smiling. I had a weird urge or thought, and I felt uncomfortable until her mum was back in the room. I had the thought "nobody wouldn't know". I didn't think much about it across the rest of the day, I was aware it was in the background, but yesterday I convinced myself I had rubbed her inappropriately. I've tried it on a soft toy, I've looked at photos and asked myself if I touched her, and the answer has been no each time, but my mind keeps telling me I'm an abuser. I feel like I'm going to die. I have been crying and sobbing for hours and I can't live with it. I don't want it to be true, I'm not an abuser, I would never do that. I feel like I can't trust my memory. I just want it to stop please please help me

Hang in there my friend. You're not your thoughts. This takes time and eventually the best days will come and you'll be helping people with such thoughts.

I know it feels terrible, but leave the thought there. Watch it. Feel your feelings. You will be okay, you are not broken you have just taught your brain to distrust itself

I literally feel like if it were true I would have to die. I'm ashamed to say that but it goes against everything that I stand for. I was playing with her and she was smiling, and then it just came in my head.

Honestly I‘ve been in the exact same place as you multiple times. I always felt like IF this was really true I could never continue living. But the thing is you cannot figure this out. The only thing ruminating will do is confuse you even more. I know it hurts but to keep on damaging yourself hurts more

I get all these thoughts, "if you forget about it you must be okay with having done it", and then I also get these moments of pure bliss where I forget about it and it's like I want to self harm myself to prove I haven't done it. This condition is exceptionally manipulative.

I totally feel you on this. You’re not alone trust me I’ve been there

How do you feel now? 🥰