Hang in there my friend. You're not your thoughts. This takes time and eventually the best days will come and you'll be helping people with such thoughts.
I know it feels terrible, but leave the thought there. Watch it. Feel your feelings. You will be okay, you are not broken you have just taught your brain to distrust itself
I literally feel like if it were true I would have to die. I'm ashamed to say that but it goes against everything that I stand for. I was playing with her and she was smiling, and then it just came in my head.
Honestly I‘ve been in the exact same place as you multiple times. I always felt like IF this was really true I could never continue living. But the thing is you cannot figure this out. The only thing ruminating will do is confuse you even more. I know it hurts but to keep on damaging yourself hurts more
I get all these thoughts, "if you forget about it you must be okay with having done it", and then I also get these moments of pure bliss where I forget about it and it's like I want to self harm myself to prove I haven't done it. This condition is exceptionally manipulative.
I totally feel you on this. You’re not alone trust me I’ve been there
How do you feel now? 🥰
Thank you for remembering about me. I feel calmer, I had a very busy day. I have also made an appointment with a NOCD counsellor so I know that I need to do a tonne of work to recover from an illness I have been in denial over for many years.