i genuinely miss feeling the anxiety over these thoughts now that i don’t it feels like it’s true and that i don’t care, like i can’t fight it anymore

It’s your OCD making you believe you need it, you don’t, OCD is this amazing con man, don’t fall for its tricks

i don’t even have a diagnosis to be sure i have ocd, sad if it actually is just me

this is something very common that happens to someone with ocd when they are recovering. your brain is just used to these thoughts so it's not as alarming anymore. I can tell you right now just based off of this post that you do have ocd, I think we all have these kinds of "but what if I don't have ocd?" thoughts sometimes. just try to disregard them