Can OCD get to a toxic stage where you’re almost annoyed that your thoughts may not be true? A bit like Stockholm syndrome?

Well like you spend so long manifesting this fear from rumination and checking. So when something happens that almost goes against that fear, you feel almost annoyed that you’ve been doing all your compulsions for nothing because there wasn’t anything to be scared of

@BradOCD Yeah. That's tricky. OCD brains aren't rational, and we often get caught up in delusions and hysteria that, when presented to the average person, seems and feels like nothing.

@Learned5dragons So I struggle with HOCD and every positive interaction I have with a male seems romantic and every interaction with a female seems not romantic enough. But when I step back there just normal reactions I would’ve always had but I’m just looking at them differently. And I sometimes feel bad being intimate with my gf because if I enjoy it it’s almost like I feel like a fraud because surely I shouldn’t enjoy it

It’s just when this started I was so sure what was OCD and what was me. And now it just feels like denial. I rarely can picture my future with my partner anymore, even tho it would make me so happy if I could. Now I can only see myself with men and I don’t want that. Or atleast I think I don’t. I’m just so unsure all the time. Which just makes me feel like I’m In denial. But then there’s so much other stuff that just doesn’t add up but the feelings are all still there. And my anxiety to them has reduced because they’re so frequent and I’m on medication. So again this just adds to all the feelings that I ‘really want this.’

@BradOCD You're gonna learn new things about OCD quite often because it's a chameleon and even things that you don't consider compulsions can be; a lot of yours are probably mental. Your primary obsession seems to be HOCD right now. Because of that focus, OCD isn't distressing you as much with the other themes you used to have. Now you should try taking back the power from OCD by practicing exposure techniques. In sure case, I imagine you would simply agree with the thoughts when they come and proceed with your life without practicing compulsions.

@Learned5dragons So I should accept with the thoughts and feelings but carry on with my life as if tbey didn’t occur? Please correct me if I’m wrong, I’m trying to understand

But what if I end up agreeing with it, and liking it. That’s my fear is that if I agree with I’ll want the things it’s telling my I want.

@BradOCD You have to accept that possibility to get better. That's the scary thing. You're not gonna want to confront it because of thoughts like this; confronting it gives you anxiety. Avoidance is a compulsion.

@BradOCD Because being honest with you, this has gone from. Knowing I don’t want these thoughts, to not sure, too wanting them but deep down wishing they weren’t there. To almost wanting to act on them, and expecting them to be there. It just seems like the OCD was right all along. But then when I look back in my life I can see how it’s controlled a lot of what I do. Maybe this is just another way it’s controlling me?

I was so sure about my sexuality before this, and had not questioned before. Admittedly there were HOCD triggers that I now can see that I didn’t realise. But I had not questioned my sexuality.I frequently remember when this obsession first started I was laughing at how silly and rehdiculous it seemed. But with all the ruminating it’s made me pick up on all these little moments of evidence in my life that could’ve been signs I was gay and hadn’t realised?

@BradOCD It is ridiculous. Most themes are. You're literally in a relationship with a female. Lol. Dude, it's just OCD.