When dealing with ocd, it always feels like you’re tying to be acceptable to someone. And if you don’t meet that person’s standards (on cleanliness, morality, etc.) you’re a disappointment. It’s like that person controls your every thought, feeling, and action. This person is your ocd. But, we shouldn’t be making our ocd happy. Ocd is never going to be happy no matter what you do. Even if you do feed it a compulsion, it will only want more and more. Don’t satisfy your ocd. Just live with its whining without feeding it or fighting it. If you practice this enough, you will start to see it get smaller and smaller. You will get better. No matter what you’re going through.