- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Of course it’s targeting that first kiss… ocd loves to find “proof” of anything. Kids do weird things and are also curious. You cannot take this as anything about you. OCD will of course use this though. Never fails. Ocd is a bully. Sayyy thanks brain but I have no problem to solve here and disengage.
- Date posted
- 3y
I just wish I didnt do it. I've actually never been in a relationship and I'm already dealing with this. It's not like when I practiced kissing it meant anything I was a curious kid doing curious thing and now I'm suffering because of it.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sizmix Be kind to yourself. You were just a kid. Try being in the “now”. Easier said than done but give yourself some grace. You can do this and remember that you have OCD.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 I try to be in the now but as you may know OCD isnt a now-friendly disorder, especially the real event subtype. But I try to live in the now but it just stacks more reason I am in the wrong, just like it doesn't help that the person I practiced with is a close family member I still socialise with daily-weekly. Why cant I just discard of old stupid memories like other people without OCD can. It's also not just about the "first kiss" thing. It's about the fact that I kissed someone different, even if it was years ago its saying any future girl would hate me for it or even not like me because of it.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sizmix I did some weird shit with my cousins and it used to eat me alive. You said it best- we have ocd - any other person without ocd could let it go. You just care so so deeply. Any future girl I’m sure did some weird shit as a kid. Something to keep in mind- you were a kid. People with ocd feel this need to confess stuff they did as kids. The person you are meant to be with won’t judge or think it’s weird, she will say well you were a kid!! Kids are weird.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 There's this girl I like and I wanted her to be my first kiss (corny I know) then this hit. I actually used to have real event over this but I got over it I guess this is its strike back. And yeah I know alot of people say what I did is normal and I know it was normal (with my age at the time) but it's not me who needs convincing its OCD which won't happen. But it's really calling it a weird experience it's just saying that "wow you kissed someone before you kissed her" Its almost like its saying I cheated on her without even being with her.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sizmix OCD is wild isn’t it! ERP!!! Lean into the discomfort and the uncertainty!! Are you in therapy? Medication?
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 No therapy and no medication
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sizmix Is it worth a shot? You are in distress about this so it couldn’t hurt. Whatever you ocd is telling you not to do because of anxiety/ doubt… do it! The more you face this fear the better you will feel.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 I was in therapy for a bit which helped some but it had a limit to how much it could help. I was also on 4 different medications for anxiety, 2 was accessed to me for both anxiety and ocd but I was taken off of them as they weren't really helping and was just making me drowsy.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sizmix Did you do ERP though? Unfortunately with medication it also takes a few different tries to see what one works best for you. I am on my third medication.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 I'm still not familiar how to erp in certain subtype situations. And as we speak real event OCD just came back
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm just tired of dreaming with this. I was finally happy because it felt like my OCD stopped because I was shutting down every single thought that came on.. then.. BOOM. I absolute hate my life, the things I done in life, and this disorder.
- Date posted
- 3y
Sizmix, pl get in touch with an ERP specialist. I have had this sub type theme.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
The thing that most people forget when dealing with OCD, is that you can fight the disease by being resistant to the feelings and thoughts that come with it. You can’t do erp effectively; if there’s a part of you that’s saying, “I wish I never had this thought.” You have to start learning to not judge the thought and not identify with it. You have to practice and remind yourself the fact that your discomfort doesn’t have to do with the thought itself, but the anxiety associated with it. So extract the feeling from everything else like a surgeon, and laser focus on that feeling. Let it sit with you. Observe it. DO NOT judge it. Let it be there. Every time The thought comes right now, you immediately go into resistance mode. This is giving it more power and value. But I’m asking you to stop giving it value or meaning. Focus on the sensation and just allow it to come and go as it pleases. This takes practice, but this is the way forward. If you want to get better, truly better, follow this even if it’s uncomfortable. It will set you free.
- Date posted
- 3y
This is great advice! Its simple, but definitely not easy.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You can’t fight the disease*
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
The subtypes actually don't matter as much as people think they do - it is definitely helpful in that it provides some sense of solidarity when it comes to the person being able to relate to others, and it provides the therapist with some basic information about what might be going on - but when it comes down to what to do with it, we approach all subtypes exactly the same - try to identify triggers, rituals, and exposures - do the exposures, approach the fears, do your best to reduce avoidance and resist rituals/compulsions. I would encourage you to ask yourself what your triggers are, what your rituals are, and how you can start to resist/reduce/postpone some of those compulsions.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
- Date posted
- 25w
What should I do? I already talked to my mom and we worked it out, but OCD won't leave it alone. Here is the situation: OCD is ruining my relationship with my family. Along with my porn addiction, I can't see innocent interactions without malice or wondering if it's appropriate. My mom and sister always had this game of slapping each other's butts, and I always found it funny, but these days I have been feeling uncomfortable about it and asked them to stop. My OCD is trying to convince me that my mom has said me, because one time she said that if she were a boy, she would date me and one time she just blurted out "marry me" I told her I hated that, she apologized and said she didn't mean it and never did it again. A lot of the things she said these days I wonder if they're appropriate, like commenting on my body, it was things like "Your butt is smaller", because I lost a lot of weight. And these days she was talking to my sister and she said that her breasts are growing and my sister was like "I know😝😝" and she poked the side of her breasts and they just laughed. I asked them about it and my sister says that she sees no problem at all. I remember that when I started puberty, my mom would ask to touch my breasts, she never actually touched, but she was afraid cuz when she was in puberty she said her breasts hurt a lot, and she was always like "You are growing so much, they are cute." And I would get sad cuz mine's weren't big as hers. I am spiraling and my mom is the most sweet person in the world, she supports me in EVERYTHING and has always taught me to set boundaries and stand up for myself, she always respected my boundaries and talked to me about delicate things and I always felt comfortable to walk around naked or ask her ANYTHING. But remembering these things are making me question her behavior, when I know she did not mean harm and I notice that 89% of every mom I met, are like her, she is probably like that because that's how she was created, and Honestly, if she did not mean any harm then everything is fine. As I said I didn't felt uncomfortable, but OCD is like "You should feel uncomfortable because that is inappropriate behavior." It's just that I didn't care for those things I even once asked to touch my mother's breasts when I was younger cuz hers were so different and I was like "What?!?!? why are we different?" and she was like "ok" and I stopped to think that I literally used to breastfeed on them and I was " 😮😮" like, I feel bad nowdays but I was curious, and my mom just said "It's okay, but If you did it out of malice then it would be wrong and I would be uncomfy." Now OCD is making me not want to be near my mom when she literally respects my boundaries, I said I didn't want her to do these things again and she agreed without even a second thought.
- Date posted
- 24w
(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…
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