Of course it’s targeting that first kiss… ocd loves to find “proof” of anything. Kids do weird things and are also curious. You cannot take this as anything about you. OCD will of course use this though. Never fails. Ocd is a bully. Sayyy thanks brain but I have no problem to solve here and disengage.
I just wish I didnt do it. I've actually never been in a relationship and I'm already dealing with this. It's not like when I practiced kissing it meant anything I was a curious kid doing curious thing and now I'm suffering because of it.
@Sizmix Be kind to yourself. You were just a kid. Try being in the “now”. Easier said than done but give yourself some grace. You can do this and remember that you have OCD.
@OCD33 I try to be in the now but as you may know OCD isnt a now-friendly disorder, especially the real event subtype. But I try to live in the now but it just stacks more reason I am in the wrong, just like it doesn't help that the person I practiced with is a close family member I still socialise with daily-weekly. Why cant I just discard of old stupid memories like other people without OCD can. It's also not just about the "first kiss" thing. It's about the fact that I kissed someone different, even if it was years ago its saying any future girl would hate me for it or even not like me because of it.
@Sizmix I did some weird shit with my cousins and it used to eat me alive. You said it best- we have ocd - any other person without ocd could let it go. You just care so so deeply. Any future girl I’m sure did some weird shit as a kid. Something to keep in mind- you were a kid. People with ocd feel this need to confess stuff they did as kids. The person you are meant to be with won’t judge or think it’s weird, she will say well you were a kid!! Kids are weird.
@OCD33 There's this girl I like and I wanted her to be my first kiss (corny I know) then this hit. I actually used to have real event over this but I got over it I guess this is its strike back. And yeah I know alot of people say what I did is normal and I know it was normal (with my age at the time) but it's not me who needs convincing its OCD which won't happen. But it's really calling it a weird experience it's just saying that "wow you kissed someone before you kissed her" Its almost like its saying I cheated on her without even being with her.
@Sizmix OCD is wild isn’t it! ERP!!! Lean into the discomfort and the uncertainty!! Are you in therapy? Medication?
@OCD33 No therapy and no medication
@Sizmix Is it worth a shot? You are in distress about this so it couldn’t hurt. Whatever you ocd is telling you not to do because of anxiety/ doubt… do it! The more you face this fear the better you will feel.
@OCD33 I was in therapy for a bit which helped some but it had a limit to how much it could help. I was also on 4 different medications for anxiety, 2 was accessed to me for both anxiety and ocd but I was taken off of them as they weren't really helping and was just making me drowsy.
@Sizmix Did you do ERP though? Unfortunately with medication it also takes a few different tries to see what one works best for you. I am on my third medication.
@OCD33 I'm still not familiar how to erp in certain subtype situations. And as we speak real event OCD just came back
Sizmix, pl get in touch with an ERP specialist. I have had this sub type theme.
The thing that most people forget when dealing with OCD, is that you can fight the disease by being resistant to the feelings and thoughts that come with it. You can’t do erp effectively; if there’s a part of you that’s saying, “I wish I never had this thought.” You have to start learning to not judge the thought and not identify with it. You have to practice and remind yourself the fact that your discomfort doesn’t have to do with the thought itself, but the anxiety associated with it. So extract the feeling from everything else like a surgeon, and laser focus on that feeling. Let it sit with you. Observe it. DO NOT judge it. Let it be there. Every time The thought comes right now, you immediately go into resistance mode. This is giving it more power and value. But I’m asking you to stop giving it value or meaning. Focus on the sensation and just allow it to come and go as it pleases. This takes practice, but this is the way forward. If you want to get better, truly better, follow this even if it’s uncomfortable. It will set you free.
This is great advice! Its simple, but definitely not easy.
You can’t fight the disease*
The subtypes actually don't matter as much as people think they do - it is definitely helpful in that it provides some sense of solidarity when it comes to the person being able to relate to others, and it provides the therapist with some basic information about what might be going on - but when it comes down to what to do with it, we approach all subtypes exactly the same - try to identify triggers, rituals, and exposures - do the exposures, approach the fears, do your best to reduce avoidance and resist rituals/compulsions. I would encourage you to ask yourself what your triggers are, what your rituals are, and how you can start to resist/reduce/postpone some of those compulsions.