Okay I feel stuck so much on this issue in my relationship about past stuff that I don’t know how to solve or if I should even talk about to him and I have the urge to blurt everything out because it’s bottling up inside me and I don’t know what to do and this happens often and I can’t even go to sleep it always takes hours for me. It’s like do i ask him about some stuff and just accept the answer because I feel like I need to do that to move on and I don’t know if it’s ocd or do I just accept that it makes no sense. If I just got an answer that he is sexually attracted to girls then I know I’d freak out but I’d accept it and not have to worry about things that don’t make sense. He told me that because I can’t handle the truth well he will change his answers up and so I wonder if the things he told me that he isn’t sexually attracted to girls is true or not. So it makes me want to ask to get clarity on the situation since we are talking things out about all of our relationship problems to get clarity from one another and move forward and heal. Anyone have any advice? The feeling I get when I say stuck is like claustrophobic type of feeling in my body.

A really important distinction to make when it comes to OCD is whether you are seeking information or seeking reassurance. Seeking information is when you'd like more information to make an informed decision but would be okay if you didn't receive any. Seeking reassurance feels much more urgent and pressing. If you were to go without the reassurance you might feel panicked, anxious, or distressed. This is the one that is a compulsion. It sounds like asking him for clarity might be more about seeking reassurance than it is about information. It sounds like there's a lot of emotions and panic there. Whenever able to- its best to resist asking. This will be better for you in terms of your OCD as well as your relationship- as he shouldn't be changing his answers to avoid your emotions. You might talk to him about saying "I don't want to answer that" instead of answering dishonestly.

I'm confused, are you concerned that he is attracted to other women or that he wants to be sexually involved with other women he finds attractive? I think there's a big difference there.

So I feel very overwhelmed with what to do

I just don’t feel right not talking about it and it might be to get relief but I just don’t want to be in denial. I almost want him to tell me how it is, so it’s hard because there is some ocd in that but also some logic of not wanting to lie to myself and wanting to feel close to him and have him tell me how he truly feels and him feel accepted.